my goal was to be started by 10, but it was 1030 before I got out the door because I had to rip my new Weezer CD (red album) so I could listen to it on my run.  LOVE IT.

I took it in 2 mile stages, and stretched, and rehydrated at each two mile mark. I used the first 2 miles for my warmup, and the last two miles were more like "I think I can I think I can I think I can".  The middle 6 flew by, and felt like good quality miles.

Somethings up with Pup because she laid in the sun on the porch steps the whole time as if to say "yah... right... have fun with that Mama!".  Ethan came out after my first 2 to cheer me on for a few minutes (and tell me about playing Policeman with daddy).

I got my new Bolle's in the mail yesterday - I ordered them off ebay.  Another birthday present to myself!  They are awesome!  they don't slide when I get slick with sweat.  they kill the glare, but they aren't too dark.  Glad I made that purchase!  I'm sure they will get much use the next few training months.

I felt myself battling the mama guilts on this run.  For some reason, I battle mama guilts quite often.  Today it was probably because of the way Dale said "oh, that long?" when I answered his question about when  I'd be back (give me two hours... to account for water and potty breaks)  They weren't exactly encouraging "GO GETEM GIRL" words.  On my run, I remembered all those summer nights he got to go play softball with the guys after work and then out for pizza and beer while I dealt with 3 kids, dinner, tubbies and bedtime by myself - usually twice a week.   And I never once said "Oh, you'll be out that late..." even though I may have thought it.  In my mind, it was what made him happy and gave him something that was just his.  My guilts may also be because of how engrossed I have been in my programming project for work, and in my training, that I feel bad for taking time to myself.  Then I remembered  that I just spent a week as a single parent while he was in London working, gambling and drinking beer with "the guys".  I wonder if I'll ever get over mama guilts... Maybe when I learn to juggle three kids, work and life... and I guess only time will tell.  I have to remember that running far / long / hard is my thing, not his thing, or the kids thing... its my time and training for this marathon forces me to take it and its time I need and deserve.

So, 10 miles in the bag.  I'm happy its over.  Feeling accomplished that I did it, and did it well.  Satisfied that the pats are on in a few... even though I still have to run out for the wings.  And I'm feeling completely self-motivated... I wonder if it can carry through the rest of the day!

It turned out to be a really good run. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I DIDN'T want to run 10 miles when we set out and even by mile 4/5 I was not really feeling things, but as we kept going and started running places I'd never been before, my mind was so focused on the interesting surroundings that I was enjoying myself. As far as energy and hydration, I think our plan worked well. We had water bottles with us for the first half and finished them off when we took our gels. Then around 6 1/2 miles we stopped at a gas station and bought some gatorade and drank that for the last few miles. Depending on what our plan is for this upcoming Sunday (11 miles!) I might want to try the same strategy. We called home around mile 8 and told dad where we thought we would be at for mile 10 so he could pick us up. It worked out perfectly. Such brilliance!

After the run I came home, showered, took a quick nap and went to Orlando to say goodbye to A. I'm very glad I went, but it wasn't all that sad. I guess I just know that somehow or another we're going to figure out ways of keeping in touch and seeing each other. I'm glad that I've been closer to her for these past few months though. I definitely was able to see her a ton recently and that'll help satisfy my need to see her for a while.

Other weekend events included a long run for H's cross country team on Saturday morning, Saturday work, and Art Walk. The long run only about 8 or so people came, but we made around $80 and then Art Walk was fun and we made another $100ish. The Art Walk's don't require a whole lot from us and we are making friends as we do them, so that's fun.

Tomorrow night we're going to SPHS for physical night and asking for donations. I'm not really sure we'll get a whole lot out of it, but it's worth a shot.

At work today someone gave me the calendar page with August 19th on it and said to me, "here do you want this, it has your age on it." I just looked at her confused because 19 means nothing to me... I'm not 19, I'm 23. She went on to say that I should have taken it as a compliment and implied that anyone would want to be 19 again, but I just didn't understand the whole conversation. It was unnecessary and she just made things awkward. I don't think I act 19. I've come a long way maturity wise and just life knowledge wise since then as well, and I'm sure I have a long way to go. But a 19 year old is vastly different than a 23 year old. It's the difference between being a young college student and being graduated and working in the real world. Oh well, this whole paragraph is pretty pointless. I apologize.

One more funny thing... someone apparently was searching "smiling dog enterprises" and came across my blog. I'm not sure what "smiling dog enterprises" might be and how it links back to my blog, but I thought that was amusing.

My slowest mile, believe it or not was the first. I ran it in 11:11. I think my mind was telling my body, oh no, here comes that great big hill. My mind forgot that we were back home in Cleveland where flat means flat (unlike in WV where flat means rolling hills). I was blessed with cool weather today and a nice cool breeze. Ahhhhhhhhh. I dare say it was almost pleasurable. No I can't say that. But I can say, it wasn't torture.

When I hit mile 5, I could not believe how far I was- distance becomes so much more meaningful when you are running. A couple of interesting things happened during the run. First, what goes down must come up. I loved running the down hills and I hated when they became up hills later. I just want to run down hill and take a elevator up hill. Also, at around the 5 mile mark I really had to use the facilities. I mean really. And to make matters worse it was number 2. I mean, here I am running, exhausted, and now my mind is distracted by another body part demanding attention. Why don't they have Porta-Potties strategically placed throughout the trail. ( I was on a lovely asphalt all purpose trail- Beachwood put a lovely all-purpose trail in the middle of a boulveard- it is a little bit of nature in the middle of the city). So I thought there must be facilities in the shaded rest area I spotted a mile back (where they also have Wifi!!!!). If I just make it back I will get relief. So, I ran and ran and by the time I hit that area, I was over the urge. Thank God. Good bowels-way to hold back for the team! Still in the netherlands, I had a bad battle with chaffing down under. Ughhh. Even though I wore capri style pants thus hoping to eliminate any chaffing, it didn't work. I was so sweaty it felt like I peed my pants. I know, gross. I was running with that feeling. The last interesting thing was that when I finally finished the 10 miles (I literally ran the last 0.10 miles looking at my Garmin waiting for the 10.00 to come up so I can stop my watch and stop running-I refuse to run one step more than I have to). I wiped my face with my hand and felt crunchiness like dirt. That's wierd. So I tasted the dirt and it was salt! The air was so cool I guess the sweat quickly eavporated from my face and left salt crystals. When I got home and looked in the mirror there was a whole bunch of salt crystals framing my face. I thought that was pretty cool.

I did it! 10 miles and week four, or is it five, is done!

Today I did 10 miles in about 1:40! I felt great-had water with me and I had a clif shot halfway through the run which gave me the energy I needed to carry it out. My stupid feet were hurting though, and I think it's cuz of the crap insoles I have. It's like running on concrete barefoot. I think tomorrow I'll go to the running store and get some decent insoles.

Anyway, I'm pretty beat so I'm gonna take a nap. Goal for tomorrow: 4 miles.

I got a piece of mail. This is not exciting. However, I realized when I looked at it closely...(rare) it was a fundraiser/race for Pancreatic Cancer. 

A few things that are interesting about receiving a mailer about pancreatic cancer: 1) My mom has just conquered pancreatic cancer (only 4% of the people diagnosed with this awful cancer, survive.   2) When my mom was sick (for the last 2 years) I never ONCE looked online at information regarding pancreatic cancer, or any of the procedures she went through. I couldn't. I did NO research which is totally unlike me.   So, why was I receiving a mailer about PANCREATICA - a 10 mile race to raise money for research?  Hmmm....

I knew I would have to "look into it."  It took a few days as I was busy with ramping up a new job and traveling.

I thought about it every day. A 10 mile race.  Let's just say... I have only ever run two miles at the MOST and that was when I was 15 years old.  I also took a running class my first year of college which was not enlightening. I would show up to class for roll call and then run back to my dorm and go to bed. I got a low "C." 

Running is not my thing. Never has been. It hurts. I hate it. I have never wanted to run anywhere, for anything, ever. I have never had the endurance of a runner. I had the strength of a gymnast at one time, but that is it. Oh, and Yoga is my friend. Slow, soft, difficult but quiet.

I decided to run the 10 mile race. I made the choice after someone asked me (right after I got the mailer) "how my mom was doing?"  When I burst into tears and said "she is doing SO well, it is a miracle she is alive," I knew I needed to do something to heal the pain of the last few years.

Watching my mom go through surgery and suffer so many complications and endless hospital stays, shady diagnosis-es, pain and strife, the unknowing... it was overwhelming. I haven't had a chance to process the enormity of the situation. We almost lost her several times to complications from the Whipple procedure. We didn't know if she would still be with us. She is. It is such a blessing.

And now I need to heal. I need to get angry and pissed off. Why does anyone have to get sick? I want to cry for days. I want to process the meaning of my relationship to my mom and how this illness changes us all. I want to be with myself for awhile and get through the sadness and on-going fear that I have around the entire experience.

I have comitted to training for and running a 10 mile race on September 1, 2008.  I have raised about $750 as of June 20th and my goal is to raise $2000. 

I begin training tomorrow morning at 7:00am. Oh, the other thing: I don't do mornings. Really, I don't. I have been pissed off at myself all week that I even signed up to do this? Who the hell runs (at all) at 7:00am on a Saturday? 

I have so much fear around failing. I keep telling myself "how silly it was for me to do this in the first place... and that there is NO way I will make it through 10 miles. What the hell was I thinking?

I am making myself go. Tomorrow is the first step to training for a run and running to heal. Sometimes you have to follow in order to become a leader.

Tomorrow, I will follow... and the next day and the day after that.

For more information on how to contribute please visit: RUNNING TO HEAL

Gisteren onze eerste wedstrijd gelopen! In Antwerpen!!!

Patrick: Short Run 5km, 22min19sec

Steph: Antwerp Asics Ladies Run, 30min17sec

 Parcours:

Vanmiddag trok ik naar Reet voor de kermisjogging die daar door de KWB voor de 19^de keer georganiseerd werd. Het regende voor de verandering eens niet, de zon scheen zelfs. Er stond wel een stevige wind. Op een open stuk moest je daar flink tegenaan boksen. Het parcours was grotendeels geasfalteerd, met ter afwisseling een stuk gras, een stuk grind en een stuk slijk. Zo liep ik vijf ronden om in totaal 12 km af te leggen. Het ging niet zo gemakkelijk als ik had verwacht. Kwam dit door het parcours, de wind of door het feit dat ik vaak alleen liep? Misschien miste ik het gezelschap van de andere teamleden? Samen lopen gaat toch altijd beter. Gelukkig was er nog Carine Segers die mij elke ronde aanmoedigde zodat ik toch nog een redelijke tijd heb neergezet. Elke deelnemer werd beloond met een fles wijn. Er werden ook naturaprijzen verloot. Na de prijsuitreiking zag ik daar Nadine Maes. Zij had mij zien lopen, maar ik heb haar langs het parcours niet gezien. Zij wist niet dat het JRT daar meeliep maar ze had mij herkend aan mijn T-shirt !

Vandaag verzamelden we aan het Fort II van Wommelgem voor tien mijl. Mevrouw Smet (secretaresse van JRT) en Katrien (zus van Meneer Hoste) wilden hier een generale repetitie houden voor de even lange wedstrijd in Antwerpen volgende maand. Meneer Hoste hoopte zijn 1u 55 van vorig jaar in Antwerpen scherper te stellen. Het weer was prachtig om te lopen: droog, 12 graden en een bij momenten pittige wind. We waren ruim op tijd voor de inschrijving en begaven ons naar de start. De meeste andere deelnemers bleken iets hogere ambities te koesteren, en al snel waren we vrolijk met ons drietjes aan het genieten van de mooie velden in en om Wommelgem, waarbij we af en toe moesten uitwijken om snelle mensen die ons dubbelden te laten passeren. Wij waren toch al wreed blij: de eerste 4 km na 25 minuten, de tweede na 49 en de derde na 1 uur 13. Toen moest Katrien afhaken, en na 14 kilometer zag ik Mevrouw Smet stiekem steeds verder weglopen. Zij kwam aan in een bijzonder mooie 1 uur 36 (en enkele seconden) wat meer is dan “je eerste tien mijl uitlopen”! Ikzelf was ook tevreden met mijn iets minder dan 1 uur 38. Katrien kwam ook in een sterke tijd aan: 1 uur 40. (Zie ook: http://www.freewebs.com/bttsite/10miles.html)

Het was een mooi parcours op een mooie dag, het JRT kan tevreden zijn!

En nu… op naar de Ten Miles!

(PH)

I think long distance runs are more a mental battle than it is a physical one. As I have observed that if one's mind think that he/she can do it then the person invariably end up doing it irrespective of the person's physical condition. However this is not the case the other way round. So if I had completed my 12 miles before the race day, it would have given that psychological edge to help me cover the same distance on the race-day thinking 'I had done it before'. That edge is important especially for those times when some thoughts start questioning your ability to last the distance.

Last week at this point these two misses meant that I would fall short of my 12 mile target by 2 miles. I would do well to keep it at 2 miles if I complete a 10 miler this week. This also meant that on race day next week (9th of March) I would have to cross unknown territory stretching more than 3 miles instead of 1 mile as planned at first. Obviously overhauling one mile after 12 miles would be relatively easy as the drive to touch finish line will enable the paining legs to keep it up for one last mile. Well that was the plan, however the reality is 2 miles away from the plan and thats something to be dealt with on the race-day.

Well, its a 3 mile deficit only if (and only if) I finish that delayed 10 mile mark this weekend. To have a nice run on the weekend obviously the week leading into the weekend must go well. Ideally I plan for 3 visits to gym in a week and 2 days of rest. However this week was far from ideal. Work wise the week was expected to be tough and lived up to it (which was fine). I managed to go to gym only twice. On Tuesday I had a good run for 40 mins or so to complete a 8.5 km run. The next day I went to attend this new gym activity called LA Spin. Its a 30-45 mins tough cycling exercise with following traits - fast, tiring and fun. It was also one of the fastest way to burn more calories so could not resist it.

20 mins into the Spin program I had a painful calf muscle pull and I stopped peddling immediately. I removed my leg from the peddle and thought of leaving the class. As the way it has happened in the past my shear grit made me place my leg back on the peddle and continue. Yes, I did not push myself too much but just enough to be a good participant. After the class I slowly limped for some time and was able to get back to normal walking status after some time. I headed home without completing my customary 6 km run.

That calf muscle pull had some pain the next day too and I started to fear what would happen to the 10 miler I had to achieve that weekend. I stayed away from gym for next two days and hoped my leg would recover just enough to complete the run. Friday evening I was sensitive to all the subtle signals sent out by my leg and all it sounded as it was just not right. However I was hopeful.

Any normal Saturday morning is one for Cricket and this Saturday was no different especially because weather was almost perfect. Just to avoid all the distractions I wanted to go early and complete my run just before everyone arrives for cricket which is around 10:30 AM. However a nice movie (Tare Zamin Par) on Friday night meant that I slept at around 1:18 AM on Saturday and hence got up no earlier than 8:15 AM. After initial clean up activities I had a banana and small bowl of cornflakes. I left home at 9:30 AM. On my way down the steps and I was keen on what my legs indicated. The legs were just about 'ok' but not the Saturday morning perfect.

I reached the ground near to 10 AM and did some stretching. The plan was just to complete 10 mile and not to bother about time it takes but unfortunately I had got a watch with a stop watch. With how things had shaped up, I was also prepared for an eventual failure on that day on which case I planned to do a proper 10 miler the next day. My previous best distance of 9 miler (18 rounds on this ground) which took 1:30:04 sec (at approximate 10 mins per mile) achieved two weeks back meant that my today's efforts would add another 10 mins to it if not more. So with the expectations set very clear I started off.

Time taken to run the distance ideally 'should' never be criteria esp for a self trainer like me. However I am keen to run the distance at a good pace. when I had done the 9 miler last time around the plan was to stretch a bit and do a 10 miler in 90 mins at a rate of 9 mins per mile. However four unfortunate lace untying meant that I had to stop and hence I suffered huge loss to momentum coupled with my inability to keep 9 min/mile pace. So expectation for this 10 miler run was clearly stood at 10 min/mile if not worse. Also I took extra care tying the lace so that I dont have the same problems I had last time around.

I started off and the first mile took around 8 mins 35 sec and was along the expected lines as it was the first mile. Call it luck or stupidity but barely into my 2nd round I had to suffer my first lace untying. I could not believe it and was horribly frustrating. I had all the reasons to stop tie it and start again but I just marched on. I completed the second mile at around 17 mins 30 secs which was not expected (previous best for 2nd lap 18 mins 24 sec). 3rd mile was clocked at 26 mins 35 sec and that was again unexpected. At this point the run started to surprise me.

Surprises were followed by another shocks. Near to half way of 4th mile the other lace untied itself. Now I felt compelled to stop and tie down my both laces as it started to get really annoying. However again, I did not stop. To my astonishment I not only maintained 9 min/mile speed but also developed a healthy one minute lead over my initial target at mile 7. However the dream run was soon over and the pace stated to drop and dropped quite heavily between mile 7,8,9. So much was the pace drop that at the end of 9th mile I had overshot the 9 min/mile target by nearly 1 min. Though I did stretch myself on the 1oth mile but ended up with a final timing of 1:31:35. Yes, this was a time which I never expected to achieve.

After that run I drank an energy drink, sat for a while and played 2 games of interesting cricket where we all joined to play against Sapient folks. I don't know how I mustered so much energy to play those games but It was good fun.

Well, next week is the big week when I will step into silver stone track to run that 13.1 mile run. Hope everything will fall in place.

Something's wrong with this picture...

(I need discipline, people!-- somebody spank me)

Op 22 april 2007 nam het JRTeam deel aan de 10 miles van Antwerpen: een hoogtepunt in het eerste werkingsjaar. Nooit eerder stonden zoveel leden op 1 foto! En je merkt dat er nog veel plaats is. Laat ons zeggen: ziehier het JomaRunningTeam mediumsize.