What better help than money from across the continent and oceans.

Let’s get right to it. You want the money and I know how to get it.

First thing, you have to know your numbers. Your business will be called a number whether you want to name it after your daughter Tracey or not. That’s to protect you from public scrutiny.

Second you have to know a gatekeeper. Not like a gatekeeper for a sheep ranch. This is an accountant or a lawyer who’s “connected” to the government. Just one call up and ask. If they sound dumb or have scruples, move on to another accountant or lawyer. One in every 10 will know.

Third, you have to be on The List. What’s that? The List is a couple of pieces of paper that have your name on it or not. All MLA’s have their name on The List, along with their campaign managers and people who donate big.

You could buy a ticket for the $1,000 political dinner. Two tickets is better. Means you're serious. If you're from the other side of the fence, don't worry. Some of the biggest Tories go to the Liberal dinner and vicey versa. It’s money alone that counts.

Now I’ve never seen The List but my gardener has. He was big with the Liberals in 80’s. The president of the Conservative Party has seen it too. He told me.

The List is kept in the top right hand drawer of the top right hand man to the Premier. That used to be Ax MacAulay. Then it was Peter McQuaid. It might be back with Ax now or maybe Chris LeClair has it. I don't think they trust Tex with it but I could be wrong.

When you get that far, call me and I’ll give you the rest of what you need to know. Have your certified cheque ready.

Update - I was asked who is "Ax MacAulay"? That's his nick name. His real name is Alex MacAulay but he took on Ax to indicate his style of management, as in "you'll get the Ax".

What better help than money from across the continent and oceans.

Let’s get right to it. You want the money and I know how to get it.

First thing, you have to know your numbers. Your business will be called a number whether you want to name it after your daughter Tracey or not. That’s to protect you from public scrutiny.

Second you have to know a gatekeeper. Not like a gatekeeper for a sheep ranch. This is an accountant or a lawyer who’s “connected” to the government. Just one call up and ask. If they sound dumb or have scruples, move on to another accountant or lawyer. One in every 10 will know.

Third, you have to be on The List. What’s that? The List is a couple of pieces of paper that have your name on it or not. All MLA’s have their name on The List, along with their campaign managers and people who donate big.

You could buy a ticket for the $1,000 political dinner. Two tickets is better. Means you're serious. If you're from the other side of the fence, don't worry. Some of the biggest Tories go to the Liberal dinner and vicey versa. It’s money alone that counts.

Now I’ve never seen The List but my gardener has. He was big with the Liberals in 80’s. The president of the Conservative Party has seen it too. He told me.

The List is kept in the top right hand drawer of the top right hand man to the Premier. That used to be Ax MacAulay. Then it was Peter McQuaid. It might be back with Ax now or maybe Chris LeClair has it. I don't think they trust Tex with it but I could be wrong.

When you get that far, call me and I’ll give you the rest of what you need to know. Have your certified cheque ready.

Update - I was asked who is "Ax MacAulay"? That's his nick name. His real name is Alex MacAulay but he took on Ax to indicate his style of management, as in "you'll get the Ax".

There are many different types of accounting software with many different features. Personal accounting involves bank account monitoring, loan management, investments and budgeting. It is important to focus on accounting software aimed towards personal finance rather than business finance. This will help you to narrow down your choices to ones that are most likely to work for your needs.

The first step is to check out what accounting software is on the market. Look at websites, in stores and anywhere else you can find the information. You can even ask friends or family if they know of a good software program. At this point you are trying to gather information about features available and names of certain software programs.

The next step is to make a list of all the products you found out about. You can now do some deeper research. Look for information about each product. Find out the features and anything special that may make the product stand out, like products that are made specifically for the beginner.

Now you can look over your list and eliminate any that do not impress you or look like they are lacking something you will need. You should also look at how much they cost and eliminate programs that cost too much.

Once you have the list narrowed down you can try to get an evaluation code from the manufacturer. Most companies will allow you to download a demo so you can try the software yourself. This will allow you to figure out the ease of use and if you like the general layout of the program.

After you have tested the software on your list you should easily be able to narrow down your choice to one accounting software program that meets your needs.

Related resource: Accountancy

About the Author
Stephen Kreutzer is a freelance publisher based in Cupertino, California.

It all depends. If you require an audited or reviewed financial statement, then, yes, you need a CPA. In any event, it is always a good idea to maintain a relationship with an accountant no matter how small your business. Whether your accountant is a CPA is up to you. The real question is: To what extent do you need outside accounting services? That also depends on you and the nature of your business.

I always start with the admonition: The Buck Stops With You! You cannot afford to dissociate yourself from understanding the meaning of your financial statements. If you solely rely on your accounting staff or accountant for completely accurate financial data, then you are asking for trouble. If you are going to own or manage a business, then you have a responsibility to learn how to speak the language of business. The language of business is accounting knowledge.

How involved you become in the accounting process will be determined by time schedules, your mental pre-disposition, desire for control, cash flow, etc. One scenario, if you can afford it, is to hire an internal accounting staff to prepare financial statements on a monthly basis and have an external accountant check them over. Another common scenario is to prepare part of the compilation yourself, such as preparing a sales journal and a cash disbursements journal, and then hire an outside accountant to prepare a bank reconciliation and the financial statements for you. Some do this on a monthly basis, others quarterly. Some business owners do the books themselves all year and turn them over to the accountant at the end of the year to verify the balances and do the depreciation entry for tax purposes.

There are numerous ways to work with an accountant. Regardless, you should learn enough about accounting to be able to communicate intelligently with your accountant. Since you are intimately involved in your business you may recognize danger signals that not even your accountant will see.

Selecting an accountant

Relying on the yellow pages to find an accountant can be risky. The best way to find any professional is by a referral. However, you need to interview prospective accountants before signing on. One of the first priorities is to find out what their experience level is. Your business may have very specific accounting and tax issues that require a certain amount of expertise. Perhaps you have a manufacturing concern. What does the accountant know about raw materials, work-in-process, and finished goods inventory accounting? Does the accountant know how to set up job-costing and overhead burdens? Ask for references from other like-kind businesses.

Keep in mind, that you may go to an established firm with a good reputation, but with whom are you going to have a relationship? Is your account large enough to warrant a relationship with a partner? You need to feel confident with the person assigned to your account. Perhaps a smaller firm with four or five accountants who are all seasoned veterans might work better.

You will also want someone with whom you can relate. The ability to communicate is a crucial factor. Your accountant may be technically proficient but can you understand what he or she is telling you? Does he or she listen when you ask questions? Don’t be afraid to ask for someone else if you are having difficulty communicating.

Another important criterion is “accessibility”. Is your accountant too busy to talk to you? Can you get your questions answered within a reasonable period of time? Do you feel important to him or her? Situations may arise where you need information immediately to make an important business or tax decision, will your accountant respond quickly?

Last, but not least, are the accountant’s billing practices. Billing practices vary from firm to firm. Some firms are very aggressive and put tremendous pressure on staff and partners to bill every minute they can. Some firms require a review process before any work goes out the door. This means that every person who performs any work on your account, including the person who puts the stamp on your envelope, bills you for it.

Find out in advance what happens if you call the firm to ask a simple question that takes less than five minutes to answer. Are you billed for five minutes or are you billed in increments of fifteen minutes even though you only talked for five? Some firms justify this increment billing by explaining that you are paying for the accountant’s expertise that may have taken years to acquire, therefore, they say, it’s worth it.

Some accounting practitioners charge a flat rate for services rendered or a combination of flat services and hourly charges. For instance, an accountant might charge $200 a month to prepare a monthly financial statement but charge $100 an hour for special projects. Within the monthly fee, the client can call to ask questions that last fifteen minutes or less for no additional charge. This way the client is not reticent about calling. Getting your question answered may prevent little problems from later becoming bigger more expensive problems.

Very often projects take longer to complete than anticipated. Complications arise and the practitioner should be paid for his or her work. Always insist that, if there are going to be additional charges over and above what has been agreed upon, that the accountant gets your approval first. Be sure to clarify these procedures before engaging an accountant in an “engagement letter”. This is a document that spells out the responsibilities of both parties and how the relationship is going to work.

Remember, there is absolutely no reason to be intimidated by your accountant. After all, you are paying for the services, and I promise you, the accountant wants your business.

Related resource: Accountancy

About the Author
John W. Day, MBA is the author of two courses in accounting basics: Real Life Accounting for Non-Accountants (20-hr online) and The HEART of Accounting (4-hr PDF). Visit his website at http://www.reallifeaccounting.com to download for FREE his 3 e-books pertaining to small business accounting and his monthly newsletter on accounting issues.

PICPA said Monday its free online service, called "Ask A CPA," allows consumers and small business owners to submit financial questions and get answers from CPAs. General questions on personal finance, tax, and small business - like how to know if banking institutions are safe, how to set up a budget, or the taxation of investments - may be submitted here.

Some questions may already be answered at the website. More than 300 questions and answers are posted and organized by category, PICPA said.

Founded in 1897, the PICPA is a professional association of more than 19,000 CPAs who work in public accounting, industry, government, and education. Its Lower Pottsgrove (PA) Township members, according to its website, include the firms of Byron Shoemaker CPA, 2081 E. High St.; Cappelletti Pinter & Company PC, 700 Heritage Dr.; Kenneth E. Ryznar CPA, 440 Creekside Dr. Ste 203;  Michael L. Cross & Company Ltd, 1303 N. Charlotte St.;  Rakowski & Company, 2081 E. High St.;  and William H. Klein & Associates LLC, 1866 E. High St.

Harvard, Massachusetts, September, 2008

 A disturbing article appeared in the Worcester Telegram recently.

“Fruitlands says ex-COO embezzled $1M”

 A woman, from the Boston area, may have brought a 90 year old museum, with her greed, to its knees and out of business.  One person, all by themselves has collapsed a treasure. Over 1 million dollars was stolen.

What ? The accounting firm is also negligent.  For shame.

 An employee between the ages of 40-50 years old in management or higher. Has been in position for at least 6-10 years before acting. Is under financial stress.

This profile matches a typical "growing trend" for thieves.   

Ages 40-50 years old, has been in the job position 6-10 years, works

in management or higher and is under finanical stress.   

The “Fruitlands Museum” embezzlement:

 Facts:

Peggy Kempton is 52 years old, was hired in 1997 (10 yrs on the job), had been embezzling for approx 8 years,  Her Title: Chief Operating Officer. She was under duress with credit cards & was using 3 social security numbers.

 A credit report would have revealed the financial stress.  

 "The emperor has no clothes".    See the Telegram article here .         

Carl Slicer, www.BestHire.com,  Vernon, Conn. "Hire right the first time."  

• Oct. 5 World Teacher's Day
• Oct. 6 Come and Take It Day
• Oct. 6 Mad Hatter Day
• Oct. 6 Physician Assistant Day
• Oct. 7 Bald and Free Day
• Oct. 8 World Smile Day
• Oct. 8 American Touch Tag Day
• Oct. 8 Emergency Nurses Day
• Oct. 9 Moldy Cheese Day

Moldy Cheese Day?  Bald Day?  GMAB (give me a break)!

I see days related to vocation and profession.  When is Accountant's Day?  It is not listed at HolidayInsights.com.  Rajesh over at All About Accounting would like to know.  I'll tell you in a couple of paragraphs.

First is the issue of whether accountants should even have a day.  We all know holidays.  Here, we're talking about a day set aside to honor or celebrate a person, event or thing.  A country can have national days.  National days in the U.S. have been resolved by the U.S. Congress.  Of lesser prestige are national days proclaimed by the president.

Other than that, anyone unofficially can create a day. Companies declare a day to draw attention to and sell products.  Associations declare a day to honor and focus attention on.  Even individuals do it, if their pet project doesn't otherwise get enough attention.  There is no reason for me not to designate a day, and I'm going to designate one as Accounting Day by the end of this article.

So, what about an accounting day?  Here are what others are doing with the notion of having a day for accounting or accountants:

• We could tie Accountant's Day to the fiscal new year.  The Onion has absolutely the funniest story on this I've ever read.  In Accountants Pack Times Square For Fiscal New Year, satirical writers suggest the Fiscal New Year hits at midnight between April 15 and April 16.  They describe how the fiscal new year bonds together all accountants in a spirit of professional brotherhood.  April 15, is National Tax Day.
• At Accountant Jokes and Fun, Mark Lee in the U.K. reports, "Accountancy software firm Kashflow has called for October 25 to be named "National Hug Your Accountant Day".  As a U.K. National Day, it would not be enforcable in the U.S.  But I hope that won't stop any pretty females from honoring the day should they pass closely by me.  Too bad they didn't ask for a Hug and Kiss Your Accountant Day.
• Reid Scott, at The Daily Whim, has for five years been marking September 20 as The Day for Accounting.  I think he tips his elbow on that day.
• A few greeting card sites like 123greetings.com attempt to make a buck by designating July 28 as Accountant's Day, reports Rajesh.  No reason exists for linking July 28 to accounting.
• The San Diego Chapter of the California Society of CPA's has been marking a day since 1972, and calling it Accounting Day.  Held sometime in mid-May, it is observed only in San Diego.  "The purpose of Accounting Day is to promote the accounting profession, to provide an opportunity for networking among accountants in public practice, in industry, and in government, and to provide quality continuing education for attendees."

There seems to be enough interest in having an Accounting Day.  After all, it was said in Accountants Pack Time Square, "It doesn't matter if you work in budget analysis, auditing, or management accounting.  It doesn't matter if you work for the government, a privately held corporation, or a public accounting firm.  When we're together here like this, we're all just accountants, every one of us."  Brings tears to my eyes every time.

So, which day will it be?  I don't like April 15 as Accounting Day, because it is already National Tax Day in the U.S., and accounting and tax are completely different fields.  October 25, September 20, July 28, and May 12 simply have no basis for being linked to accounting.

There is one date, however, that is perfect.  It has been linked to accounting for over 500 years.  It's a natural, a slam dunk.

On November 10, 1494, volume 2 of Summa de Arithmetica, Geometria, Proportioni et Proportionalita (Everything About Arithmetic, Geometry and Proportion) was published.  It is in volume 2 of the Summa that Pacioli included a description of the bookkeeping/accounting system of Venice.   In honor of this contribution, Pacioli has carried for centuries the title of Father of Accounting.

The description of bookkeeping/accounting was a monumental moment in the history of mankind.  The Summa had a very large press run (larger than The Summa blog), and was considered a best seller for its time.  Moreover, its impact on business is indisputable.  We still use the system of Venice today.

I hereby proclaim November 10 as Accounting Day, to be observed throughout the world.  I shall send copies of this proclamatory blog to accounting officials, where ever they may be in the world.  You should start now in making plans for celebrating the Accounting Day in 2008.  It is only five weeks away.

Over and out - - David Albrecht

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When was the last time you met with your team of professionals to help you with a key business decision? If you're like many independent business owners, you may be thinking “What team of professionals?” As a business owner, you probably handle the running of the business yourself. Still, it is possible to run a business more efficiently and profitably by utilizing a team of professionals who can consult and guide you in the management of your company. The trick is to seek out team members for the long term –– to build relationships with professionals who will understand your situations and needs on an ongoing basis. Special bonus: Many of these professionals are also independent business owners just like you.

Here are four key players:

Attorney: You may prefer an attorney who specializes in the needs of business owners and can consult with you on topics such as asset ownership, best-choice business form, succession planning, contract review and employee-employer relationships. A crucial component lies in establishing a relationship with your attorney, so that you can simply pick up the phone when you have a question.

Accountant: Once again, you may prefer someone who understands the needs of independent business people and, if possible, also knows your industry. An accountant should help you “read” your books more effectively, translate raw data, help you effectively plot areas of profit and loss, and –– perhaps most important –– show you ways to manage your tax liability. In short, your CPA could save you money. To really benefit from your accountant, don't make the mistake of meeting only once a year at tax time: give your accountant the opportunity to work with you all year long.

An Officer at Your Financial Institution: Credit is the lifeblood of many businesses. It’s always important to maintain contact with the person who can help you access the cash flow you need at the time that you need it and at a favorable rate. In addition to issuing credit, many financial institutions frequently provide a wealth of other services at minimal or no charge. Regular contact with your institution will keep you abreast of new opportunities that can benefit your business.

An Insurance Professional: An insurance agent familiar with the challenges facing independent business owners can act as an effective problem solver. Specifically, a trained, licensed insurance professional can play several crucial roles in your business:

1. To help your company meet its immediate insurance protection needs. This includes helping select and fund insurance for key executive coverage, death and disability buy-out, pension, and other qualified plans.
2. To help meet your personal insurance and financial product needs. Family decisions can be a key factor in making any business decisions. Your insurance agent can help you coordinate a cohesive insurance program that satisfies your needs and goals on personal and professional levels.
3. To help coordinate the work of other professionals. Insurance agents will help you focus on the big picture and work to help you put together a team of professionals.

To find out more about how an insurance professional can help you, please contact Lonnie Goldman, Agent, New York Life Insurance Company, at (631) 391-5823.

The Chancellor’s Autumn Statement, due to be delivered in October, is likely to contain a range of concealed new or increased taxes for business, according to the accountancy firm with the widest spread of offices in the South West.

Head of the Business Tax Planning team at Bishop Fleming, Andrew Browne, said:  “At a time when the Government has been spending and borrowing, the economic downturn is hitting company profits and reducing the money they are sending to the Treasury in corporation tax.

“In some of the worst-hit sectors the Treasury is having to repay huge sums of tax cash.  For example, our sector specialists for the property and development industry are helping many construction clients to reclaim taxes they have already paid”, said Mr Browne.

“So my name-sake, and his Chancellor, are seeing tax inflow from business drying up at the very moment when they most need to see a hefty boost in tax income.  Given their pole-ratings, they will be reluctant to announce overt tax increases in October’s Autumn Statement.

“Over the past decade, Mr Brown has been a master of ‘stealth taxes’, and slipping in new taxes that can take a year to spot – like his removal of the 10p tax-rate,” said Bishop Fleming’s Andrew Browne.

“When Mr Darling stands up to deliver his Autumn statement, we’re unlikely to hear bold announcements of big new business taxes, or tax increases.  But the devil is always in the detail with this Government, so my team will be ferreting through the mountain of post-statement papers, where we expect to find a raft of new stealth taxes for business”, he added.

“Our aim is to secure early warning of anything that own-managed businesses need to do to avoid the worst effects of any new or extra taxes”, said Mr Browne.

ENDS

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Here are a few answers I got recently , from very large and respectable, best of breed companies.

We admit this is a serious bug, we can't tell you when it will be fixed,because our accountants prohibit us from  disclosing  the information to our clients.

Really, I swear to god that's what they said. The damn accountants cannot stop Meryl Lynch and Enron from stealing  billions of dollars.So ,in their spare time, they refuse to let the customers know when their broken product is going to be fixed.

Now I'm really happy that I have an MBA. I can explain the bizarre logic. If they inform the customer of the fix, the customer future orders can not be recognized in the books because maybe the damn developers will miss the schedule. The result - it is better to hide the information from the customer.

I'm soft closing the tickets ,as the customer has not responded for three weeks.

Really? We just did a one hour webex and reproduced all the bugs for you so even Britney Spears in one of her bad days could understand them. Maybe your defunct support system lost our emails again ? How is this soft ?

SDK ? George, I never heard about something called SDK. Is this related to UNIX ?

We opened a ticket to a large vendor whose SDK has an overflow and returns long int instead of short int, or something similar. not only their support didn't know they had an SDK ,they didn't know what SDK stands for.

Please reproduce the server crash in your production environment so we can have better logs.

Enough said.

We don't know how to sign our Java Applet. We are checking with R&D.

For a Java applet whose security certificate is not valid for more than a year.

Please open an RFE (Request For Enhancement ) so we will support multiple tabs in Internet Explorer 7.

One and half years after IE7 was released and few months before IE8 is about to hit the market.

In many of the cases the problem is not within support, but it actually comes from the CEO. It seems that the market leaders are willing to invest in quality just EKO ( Epsilon-Kra-Oz ) dollars above the level required to keep customers from changing the supplier. Since they are the market leaders and change is extremely hard for Enterprise Software the value of EKO is pretty small. It is about the same as Paul Young's latest record.

In many cases I wondered "Is This It? Is this the best ,Three Letter Acronym Goes here, product in the market "? "It is so slow, and awkward and has so many bugs".

The answer lies in the EKO Constant and that's why a new start-up has a shot. At least until it hires top tier accountants  :)

An accountant told me tonight "There are a lot of unhappy Liberals in PEI, unhappy because they weren't invited to the $100,000 party like the 2,000 who got immigrant money."

Immigrant Scam may have made a windfall for 2,000 Liberal inner circle members, but the rest of the Liberal Party is wondering tonight why they didn't get in on the action.

"It's like the Lottery, only the numbers are rigged," he added.

He forgot that 133,000 Islanders didn't get invited to participate in Immigrant Scam, just 2,000 of the select few.

Who couldn't use $100,000 around the house? Pay a few bills, trade the old car, change the furnace, buy a wheelchair for pops. Would be great but only the select few Liberals got a chance.

That's the democratic way: all for the rich and none for the poor.

An accountant told me tonight "There are allot of unhappy Liberals in PEI, unhappy because they weren't invited to the $100,000 party like the 2,000 who got immigrant money."

Immigrant Scam may have made a windfall for 2,000 Liberal inner circle members, but the rest of the Liberal Party is wondering tonight why they didn't get in on the action.

"It's like the Lottery, only the numbers are rigged," he added.

He forgot that 133,000 Islanders didn't get invited to participate in Immigrant Scam, just 2,000 of the select few.

Who couldn't use $100,000 around the house? Pay a few bills, trade the old car, change the furnace, buy a wheelchair for pops. Would be great but only the select few Liberals got a chance.

That's the democratic way: all for the rich and none for the poor.

2. I'm an accountant
I'm learning more about accounting every day. Both from work experience and from the course I take on Thursdays. Lately I've also started study accounting from a management point of view in my academic studies. I love the fact that
1. I actually understand it, and it's interesting.
2. My profession has a name. I'm an accountant. It's Something.
3. It's known as a "boring" job, but I find it exciting. I can talk passionately about stock value adjustments and depreciation calculations and everyone else think I'm a boring idiot. I love when people think I'm a boring idiot (think: Ross Geller).
4. I already know much more than "regular people", including my manager.
5. I finally actually know what I want to do with my life, and there's a set career road ahead of me!

3. My schedule
This is for regular working days Sundays through Wednesday. On Thursday I have accounting school, so it works a little different then. Friday I'm usually off.
0600 - wake up, make breakfast for kids
0615 - make their kindergarten breakfast and water bottles while they eat. Pick up Talitha, change diaper and give her a bottle.
0630 - Eat a fast breakfast and make a cup of coffe
0645 - dress kids, and take a few sips of coffee now and then
0700 - wake wife and ask her to fix Emunah's hair
0715 - leave house to kindergarten with kids (ideal - it's usually around 0730)
0730 - say goodbye to kids
0750 - jump on the bus to Jerusalem
0845 - reach work
0900 - work
1200 - lunch
1230 - continue work
1730/1800 - leave work, jump on bus home
1845 - reach home. Girls asleep, Efraim awake. Read story with, put on pyjama, brush teeth, put to bed.
1930 - Eat dinner and drink coffee. Either with wife while watching 2 episodes of Friends or each one to his own with the studies (depends on study density period).
2010 - Do dishes
2110 - Finish dishes and take out garbage
2115 - Shower and put on pyjama
2130 - Start to study, with a cup of coffe
0000 - Brush teeth, go to bed

Hm... This means I should have 2 and a half hours of study every work day... I must be planning bad or doing thing inefficiently, because I'm never able to actually reach that. Must get better. Those three courses are not a picnic. Also, I usually never actually fall asleep until 0100 - 0130. Maybe I would feel better if I got more sleep...? Come to think of it, I have difficulty remembering when was the last time I'm not tired. But it could be worse. My wife can't remember when was the last time she wasn't exhausted!

Accountants are indeed useful in running a business. They can analyze finances and other data, evaluate the efficiency and effectiveness of company's methods and operations. They can also provide an easy organization to certain financial statements along with payroll systems and other issues like tax.

Different types of accountants like forensic accountants are also useful in resolving disputes like finding out the true loss of a victim or finding out the true financial assets of an individual or company. It is even common to hire a forensic accountant to settle criminal cases like fraud or identity and company theft of an employee.

Thanks!

—The Mayor