The surety of memory placing

the rented car

in a space

where once a hayshed

yawned at the facing hills.

My stranger's arrival changes

as I emerge from the

foreign metal.

The registration of the car

forgotten

as its provenance is resolved.

My uncle moves through

the heavy stones

and greets me

in a low voice

that as ever lends formality

to the handshake.

We rest against the car,

the suspension slowly

taking the weight

of our conversation.

I have come home for one

funeral

and now prepare for

another.

You'll see a great change

in himself he warns

and eases my

passage

into a new reality.

Somehow I begin to move

in towards the house,

a repeated path

but not so common now.

My grandparents' rooms

are quieter too.

Not the quiet of the

old house.

Where range and

bench and beams

and dresser

soaked the gloom

with silence

releasing only the clock.

I'm told where he is

and I turn a corner

surprised at the distance

the short corridor

holds within its length.

The door rounds on me

and the shock of a stranger

met in a private place

mocks all preparation.

Only his dead sister's bones

moving his skin to greet me

start our last conversation.

He invited Marla around to the new house, all unaware.  She should have known what was coming.

(Marla's let herself go, as you can see.  Sorry the pics are dark.)

Damien hadn't enjoyed telling her to piss off out of his life.

But now, at last, he was free to marry Serena.

It was a private ceremony in the backyard while the girls were at school (and Luka asleep).

Ebony grew to a teenager and Luka grew to school age.

Damien is still taking elixir so has not aged.  Alex Lillard and Marla have.  (Mikhail Lillard is now a teen and Elizabeth is school age.)

But Damien has grown fat.  He's been studying so hard for promotion that he hasn't been active.  Now, at last, he's reached the top of the paranormal career and become a cult leader.  Now we need to get him slimmer and get friendlier with his vampire friend, Contessa Andrea Lawson...

They concluded by stating:

"... high levels of rDNA recombination acts to maintain sequence uniformity ... it should be noted that the outcomes of recombination within the rDNA are very different to those of recombination at other repeat units within the genome ... the specialised nature of the rDNA metabolism suggests that observations made at the rDNA locus may not always be applicable to the wider genome ... fork arrest at a replication barrier only generates the potential for recombination; whether recombination occurs or not, and through which pathways, remains the responsibility of other local factors, such as the binding of regulatory protein complexes and sister chromatid cohesion ..."

Tsang E, Carr AM.
Replication fork arrest, recombination and the maintenance of ribosomal DNA stability.
DNA Repair (Amst). 2008 Oct 1;7(10):1613-23. Epub 2008 Jul 29.

Fig. 2. Model for the regulation of recombination outcomes in the rDNA. Heavy arrows represent individual rDNA units; those shown in blue are equivalent units on sister chromatids. The open circle denotes an active rARS; the red bar denotes an active RFB. Leftward-moving replication forks arrest at the RFB. A subset is thought to collapse, requiring recombination to restart replication. Under normal circumstances, sister chromatids are held together by cohesin (grey rings), forcing the broken end to invade the equivalent unit to give equal sister chromatid exchange and rDNA stability (A). In cases where cohesin is dissociated from the rDNA, the broken end can invade either an upstream (B) or downstream (C) unit, leading to expansion or contraction of the rDNA array, respectively [17] T. Kobayashi, T. Horiuchi, P. Tongaonkar, L. Vu and M. Nomura, SIR2 regulates recombination between different rDNA repeats, but not recombination within individual rRNA genes in yeast, Cell 117 (2004), pp. 441–453. Article | PDF (469 K) | View Record in Scopus | Cited By in Scopus (58)[17].

[17] T. Kobayashi, T. Horiuchi, P. Tongaonkar, L. Vu and M. Nomura, SIR2 regulates recombination between different rDNA repeats, but not recombination within individual rRNA genes in yeast, Cell 117 (2004), pp. 441–453.

We haven't got a particularly over-stocked fridge right now, so it's not like I just couldn't find it amongst the jostling ranks of chilled and healthy produce. It genuinely wasn't there. And I knew immediately that I'd put it somewhere stupid.

You know when you go to put on a CD, and you can't find the case for the one already inside the stereo? And how when you're feeling lazy you just pop it into the case that's just been vacated by the album that you're about to put on? And how after an evening of drunken laziness you awake to discover that you've placed ten different CDs into the cases of the ones that were played after them and you can't find anything? I'm getting this way with food.

The cheese, for example, was in the cupboard that I'd earlier looked into, in search of some crisps. This wasn't too bad, admittedly. Had I recently changed the bleach block in the bathroom, I might have later placed half a slab of medium cheddar in the cistern alongside it.

In most instances I'm evidently subconsciously cautious, however. Things tend to go into the fridge as a sort of unthinking default. Even bottles of washing up liquid, or occasionally books. But no harm comes to any of them. Certainly not of the kind that might result from unpacking a box of choc-ices into the DVD cabinet, for example, or putting dried cat food in with the broken biscuits.

It's nice that even when I'm being stupid, some part of my brain is still trying to limit the damage I can cause. But I'm noticing my auto pilot is becoming less and less reliable when it comes to much simpler day-to-day tasks.

I'm finding myself sitting down to dinner, having equipped myself with an extra knife rather than a fork. The other day as I left the house for work, I grabbed my wallet, keys, bus pass, and instead of two memory sticks loaded with files that I needed that day - two lighters.

It's not just me: a friend recently ran off a list of invited attendees for an upcoming party, counting as he went, and the first two people he said were different nicknames for the same individual. As he carried on to number three, a deep frown crept down his face as he evidently realised something was amiss. As he continued to list names he began to stare accusingly at his sequentially unfurling fingers, but he'd still got all the way to number five before he managed to pinpoint exactly what was wrong.

So from now on I'm going to pay extra special attention to my day-to-day activities, no matter how mundane. Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go select some music to play. And then try and determine which case the actual CD is hiding in.

Academic research supported by the Economic and Social Research Council and Arts and Humanities Research Council shows that most members of the baby boom generation – often regarded as the first teenagers of a more affluent consumer society - have modest ideas for their retirement. While some plan substantial projects, particularly in relation to travel or using second homes, most people’s ideas for spending time after retirement retain a traditional pattern – watching television and films, playing records or going for long walks.

Findings from the study, says Dr Rebecca Leach, “provide only limited evidence that first wave boomers are developing new third age lifestyles.” Most have fairly modest aspirations, hoping at best to maintain current lifestyles and activities provided health and finances permit them to do so. The range of lifestyles is greater than would have been the case with previous generations but there is little evidence of ‘alternative’ models of consumption. Alternative health provision, for example, was widely practiced by between only three-seven per cent of people interviewed for the research. Many of those questioned “professed a critique of materialism, yet demonstrated ambivalence about this in practice.”

The first wave baby boom generation, born between 1945 and 1954, represents 17 per cent of the UK population. Born at a time of austerity, this group later experienced relative prosperity and the emergence of a mass consumer society. The research project by Dr Leach at Keele University and King’s College, London, looked in particular at the role of consumption in approaches to adult ageing. It examined the extent to which baby boomers see themselves as part of a distinctive generational group, and how this might affect consumption patterns.

Baby boomers are shown to be a diverse group, varying considerably depending on wealth, class and education. Only a minority – 41 per cent – of those interviewed by the researchers identified with the term boomer and the study showed that members of the group view themselves in different ways. These are:

• The baby bulge group, who were aware of themselves competing with many others for school places and jobs.

• The burden group who worried about the consequences of being followed by a smaller generation.

• The lucky generation who felt they had benefited most from economic growth and the welfare state.

• The political generation who believed they had been trailblazers through their lives, taking initiatives that had produced social and cultural change.

Baby boomers have been widely characterised as more individualistic than previous generations, leading to suggestions that this would make them less family oriented. Yet the research shows that family responsibilities among boomers have increased rather than reduced. Demographic data shows that 43 per cent of those born between 1945-1952 have at least one child living at home while 37 per have financial responsibility for other members of the household – usually children. Improvements in life expectancy mean that 43 per cent of people aged 50-57 still have a mother alive, and 20 per cent a father.

Boomers demonstrate a changing attitude towards inheritance, with surveys suggesting they are more likely to want to use their wealth to enjoy life than to worry about leaving a bequest.  

Housing has played a big part in boomers’ lives. The proportion of owner-occupiers rose from around one in four in 1950 to two-thirds by the mid-1980s. Today, 33 per cent of boomers own their homes outright and 52 per cent have mortgages, while 15 per cent have second homes. Home improvements, shows the research, form a significant part of boomer lifestyles. So does increasing the value of homes, especially in terms of using housing to fund life during retirement.

Most boomers – 70 per cent – regard age as unimportant in terms of their personal identity and, almost without exception, they told the researchers that they felt younger than their actual age. Boomers regard themselves as being more like their children and younger people than like their parents and older generational groups and, say the researchers, “see ageing as something that requires managing but is not overly problematic.” Dr Leach showed that while 69 per cent of people interviewed agreed that it was possible to plan for retirement, 71 per cent were themselves making either no plans or only limited ones.                                                                                             

Dr Leach identify global travel and cosmopolitan food choices as powerful examples of lifestyle activities associated with the boomer generation: 81 per cent of the people surveyed went on holiday abroad at least every two years.

“Travel was a major consumption item for boomers and loomed large in projects for retirement,” says Dr Leach. “Less evident was any wholesale transfer of teenage consumption concerns into midlife: boomers might have been the first teenagers, but they have now grown up. Consumer interests have matured, notably around interests linked to homes, gardens and travel.”

This, comment the researchers, does not entirely undermine the idea of boomers as early exponents of a consumer society. “In the same way that music, fashion and mobility were used to construct a teenage identity, consumption can be seen to play a similar role in mid-life: the notion of the big trip or the retirement project – usually a hobby or home building project – providing a focus for boomers’ spending as well as a source of self worth and esteem.”

Dr Rebecca Leach, summarising the importance of the research, says: “There are lots of assumptions about baby boomers: that they are wealthy, radical individuals who are spending the kids’ inheritance; but this research shows that the reality is much more complex and ordinary – some of what it means to be a ‘boomer’ is because of shared life experiences but some of it is driven by the same challenges (health, wealth, jobs and family) as those faced by all of us.”

Professionals call it elderspeak, the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people: the doctor who talks to their child rather than to them about their health; the store clerk who assumes that an older person does not know how to work a computer, or needs to be addressed slowly or in a loud voice. Then there are those who address any elderly person as “dear.”...

Now studies are finding that the insults can have health consequences, especially if people mutely accept the attitudes behind them, said Becca Levy, an associate professor of epidemiology and psychology at Yale University, who studies the health effects of such messages on elderly people.

“Those little insults can lead to more negative images of aging,” Dr. Levy said. “And those who have more negative images of aging have worse functional health over time, including lower rates of survival.”

"Subunits II and III decreased with age by up to 43% and 75%, respectively, whereas the decrease in subunit I was only 15% ... This could theoretically be explained, at least in part, by mitochondrial DNA deletions, which affect some gene sequences more frequently than others, and which are known to accumulate as a function of age in Drosophila."

Sohal RS, Toroser D, Brégère C, Mockett RJ, Orr WC.
Age-related decrease in expression of mitochondrial DNA encoded subunits of cytochrome c oxidase in Drosophila melanogaster.
Mech Ageing Dev. 2008 Sep;129(9):558-61. Epub 2008 Apr 22.

Fig. 1. Effect of age on the abundance of cytochrome c oxidase subunits in Drosophila melanogaster. Proteins (10 μg/lane) from flight muscle mitochondria were separated by discontinuous 10% SDS-PAGE and stained with Coomassie Blue (A), or probed with anti-complex Vα, anti-porin (B) and anti-CcO subunits I, II, III and VIb (C), Results presented in panel D are means of at least three samples, obtained from two independent mitochondrial preparations. For purposes of clarity, error bars are not shown (the coefficient of variation was <20% for all points).

I was having a chat with my parents the other day about plastic surgery, and mostly about the horror of poorly done face-lifts or people that have had too many, and consequently look like scary wax statues from a creep show and not like real people any more. I was trying to not be overly judgmental since I’m not yet forty and don’t know how I’ll feel about all this 20 years down the line and try to avoid being a possible hypocrite in the future by condemning something that I don’t know how I’ll feel about then. I said to my parents, “well, I don’t know how I will feel since I’m still sort of youngish” to which they instantaneously responded, rather fiercely, “you’re not even 40! You’re very young! If you live to be 95, 40 is very young!” I will admit, a flash of what I might possibly look like after aging another 55 years did pass in front of my eyes (and a face lift, even a bad one, didn’t seem like such a bad option), but more, I thought about all that time I potentially have left in life to live, and, of course, work. And this brings me back to a frequent obsession of mine, which is, will I ever be able to re-enter the work force? This concern just paralyzes me sometimes, and often because I think of graphic design as such a young, hip, field. I feel that approaching 40 almost guarantees a degree of obsolescence in the field, and that maybe I should go hang out with 40-year old Hollywood actresses that can’t get work any more or can only get roles being cast as Keira Knightly’s mother or a bitter old alcoholic nun.

However, my husband keeps pointing out that in less than two years I will have a LOT more time, and consequently will be able to work more, or work on building a business, and it’s really, really unlikely that nothing would ever happen on that front. It seems really unlikely that I will sit there for 53 years or so without being able to find any interesting employment whatsoever. Even older people, who often own companies, need graphic designers. And they may actually prefer working with someone who can spell because I have not spent my youth TM-ing people and does not have a nose ring or my parents negotiating my hourly rate for me.

I am realizing what a blip all this is, having children that are really young. Jasper, at almost 7, is starting to exit the “really young” phase and in a few years Hugo will be almost 7 too, and although we will still be parents until our time on Earth is done, we will not have “really little” kids ever again. So, I will try to live in the present (I try this every so often) and enjoy my little kids and the time I have with them. In a couple years I hope that I can resume my career, or perhaps one day even switch to a new one. The time I spent minimally employed will be hard to remember 5, 10 or 45 years down the road. I won’t regret the time I spent with my kids way back when, though I wonder if I will be reminiscing about these years with an oddly waxen expression on my face. 

Cryogenics is now commonplace for use in fertility health. It is quite common now for people to store eggs or embryo's for future implantation. Organisations like Fertility Associates in New Zealand have had success with freezing sperm, eggs and much more.

More and more people are starting to freeze the umbilical cord of newly born babies with a view to being able to use the cells to aid in treating serious immune conditions such as cancer with a guarantee of acceptance of the cells by the person, because they are in fact their own genetic matter.

Now there are companies like the American Cryonics Society who are offering a service to freeze human bodies with a view to restoring them to life at a later date. This may be a matter of freezing a sick person for an illness that we currently have no cure for, for people who are well, but know that there will be treatments available in the future to prolong life, or perhaps those who want to be able to experience the future.

You would think that this would be an expense that only extremely wealthy people can access, but there are now opportunities through people like Rudi Hoffman who are offering insurance plans that will cover the costs of cryogenics when they are needed. This means that you can plan to live longer if you wish to take the risk that it will be viable. He is also looking into your needs if and when you are revived. The insurance and investments will ensure that you have an income available to you if you do come back and also protecting your property from others who are looking for an inheritance.

One of the common questions, including mine are the damage that would be caused by ice crystals forming in the body, and especially the brain, but as Ben Best says in his Cryonics FAQ, we already use compounds to stop crystalisation such as propylene glycol which stops ice cream from crystalising and keeps it smooth. In cryogenics there are chemicals used to cause vitrification, thus preserving the tissue without damage.

According to Alcor, the other Cryogenics company in the USA less than 100 people have been frozen to date, but the exciting thing is that they have.

I find this fascinating, but am left with lots of questions:

• People talk about proof that animals have been frozen using cryonics and then reanimated, but I couldn't find any evidence on the web.
• If you are already sick or dying, what is the likelihood that you could be brought back to life? What are the odds that if you could, that they would treat your condition over and above people living at the time you were brought back, unless you have huge financial resources to cover the costs.
• Will your brain still function normally after it has been frozen?
• If you come back, are you still you? Is your essence the same?
• Would your chances be better if you didthis while you are still young and can take advantage of future sciences to keep you young, as opposed to someone who already has old cells that aren't reproducing with the same youthfull excellence, in effect your body has already significantly deteriorated?

Then of course there are all sorts of religious and ethical issues which I'll leave for someone else to ponder over.

This is fascinating and there are all sorts of opportunities for the future. For example the ability to freeze astronauts so that they can travel light years away without physically or mentally ageing.

I suspect this technology has to come, but there are so many surrounding issues that will need to be considered and I'm sure it won't be an option for me in my lifetime. This is another example of Science Fiction becoming reality and babies are being born without defects from frozen eggs, sperm and embryos. Admittedly they are less complex than human adults, but the fact that this works suggests that it is only a matter of time before people can be frozen and reanimated. But when will this be achieved? Don't hold your breath.

I would love to be frozen and come back for a year in every 10, but I also want to enjoy my family today. Other than dying of an incurable disease you would have to be very selfish and self indulgent to turn your back on your family in order to outlive them.

When it comes to honing skills, practicing a new artform or technique is well recommended - seriously, go to the relevant foreign clime and try out the new language you've been learning. But at least make sure you've first actually learnt a bit from a book, cassette or multi-lingual pal; don't just swan off to Frankfurt and jabber sounds at people in the hope that you'll get it right eventually.

Because 'learning from experience' indicates that the person giving you advice decided to ignore 'learning from notable textbooks or conclusive research or well-informed experts on the subject' and moved straight on to 'trial and error'. People like this tend to collect scars with the same unconscious happenstance that most people collect shirts or ties. It's not a deliberate action of accumulation, you just look at the back of the wardrobe one day and realise you've got two dozen of them.

Diving headlong into something with a cry of 'let's try the brightly coloured berries' and expecting to learn on the job will only end at best with amusing dinner party conversation and at worst some part of you burnt, bruised, lopped off or crimson. Or your chimney might fall in. Or your lawn might start growing in orange and brown stripes. Or all your goldfish might start swimming sideways. Someone who says they've 'learnt from experience' just means that they've previously done something wrong, and very possibly something stupid at that.

Anyone who offers up a pearl of wisdom precluded by the phrase 'I've learned from experience...' will undoubtedly then come out with a peculiarly specific slice of advice. Like, 'Trust me, I've learned from experience: you can't dry out a damp rabbit in a microwave', that sort of thing.

Realise as you hear these nuggets of inane informity, that no matter how ridiculous they seem, the person talking to you was in some way disadvantaged at some instance in their life because no-one had ever pointed out the same thing to them. Experience is supposed to make you wise, and yet most knowledge gained from experience is nothing but a checklist of stupidity, a testament to just how many acts of ill-thought out idiocy have been acheived during one short lifetime.

This is not to say that I've not gathered up my own list of regrettable life-lessons 'learnt from experience'. Among my own include: 'don't try and cook fish fingers by slotting them into the toaster', 'that Crocodile Dundee II dog-hypnosis thing doesn't actually work' and 'don't watch Edward Scissorhands for the first time while gift wrapping Christmas presents and slightly drunk'.

Okay, it's becoming apparent that most of the stuff that I'm talking about is merely the reportage of failed experiments - a suggested selection of advised avoidances. So maybe this needs to be a two-part rule. By all means, take advice offered on the basis of experience if it includes the following words and phrases: 'do', 'yes' and 'excellent results'. This means that the person probably did the research that you should be doing. However, ignore their pearls of wisdom if they include any of the following: 'don't', 'can't', 'if all else fails' and 'still can't feel a thing in the left one'.

Or alternatively don't listen to me at all, experiment for yourself and don't be afraid to make mistakes of your own. Just try not to do it when cooking chicken. Or varnishing something. Or, after it gets caught out in the rain while you're supposed to be looking after it, drying your holidaying neighbours' pet rabbit.

Dry air and biting wind can become the reason of dryness, a peeling and irritation of your skin. Here simple winter helps of care which can help to prevent to you the dry and cracked skin. Follow these simple councils and enjoy the cold weathers, all season long.

In the morning it is necessary to freshen  dry skin with warm water or special  water Not containing alcohol. After that it is necessary to put a day cream, easy on a consistence, but under the maintenance rich, that is incorporating oils and humidifying substances. Besides it, the day cream should contain Uf-filters which will protect a skin from light ageing.

To clear a skin is better a soft milk which contains, besides everything, calming and nutrients in the evening. The cosmetic milk is dissolved in water, therefore it can be washed off simply warm water . If water very rigid at a dry skin it is recommended to moisten after washing a wadded tampon with special water for the person (without the alcohol maintenance) and cautiously to wipe a skin. Otherwise the rests of salts will dry a skin. Then it is necessary to put the night cream rich with fats and humidifying substances.

Enjoy the beauty!

"Increased life expectancy has resulted in an increase in the quest for diets which allow for a healthy ageing."

From the Mediterranean diet of oil and wild plants, the PUFAS in the Inuit diet, phytoestrogens in the Asian diet, milk, snails, insects, algae, to vegetarianism, all sorts of diet were reviewed.

Apparently, it has very recently been shown that a 10% extension of the lifespan in Caenorhabditis elegans worms can be achieved by feeding them with nutrients reinforced with natural “heavy” isotopes. This is due to the fact that the bodily constituents and DNA produced from isotopically-reinforced nutrients are more resistant to free radical attack (believed to contribute to ageing).

Granted, the musical pokes fun at the concept of menopause and plays with the (mis)conceptions surrounding "the things that happen to women", as Dr Derek Llewellen Jones put it.

But is it too much to dream of a day when old women don't have to be hilarious, or hot, or cronelike, and instead are celebrated for being the wise, amazing women they are?

Statins 'prevent artery ageing'

Statins are now very widely used by the NHS

Drugs given to heart patients to lower cholesterol may have an additional benefit - keeping their blood vessels feeling younger.

Advanced heart disease patients have arteries which have effectively aged faster than the rest of their bodies.

University of Cambridge scientists, writing in the journal Circulation Research, say statins may be able to hold back this process.

They hinted the same drugs might also prevent damage elsewhere in the body.

It's an exciting breakthrough to find that statins not only lower cholesterol but also rev up the cells' own DNA repair kit Professor Martin Bennett Cambridge University

Statins are seen as a key tool in the fight against heart disease, and in low doses have been made available "over-the-counter" at pharmacies.

While it has been known for some time that they can lower cholesterol levels, this did not fully account for the benefits experienced by some patients, and evidence is growing that they can boost the function of the cells lining the heart arteries.

The Cambridge study adds to this evidence, and may shed light on how statins do this.

Cells in the body can only divide a limited number of times, and in patients with heart disease, the rate of division in these arterial cells is greatly accelerated - dividing between seven and 13 times more often than normal.

As the cells "run out of " divisions, they can suffer DNA damage, and do not work as well.

One of the important roles of these cells is to keep the artery clear of fatty "plaques" which can expand and block them, causing angina or heart attack.

Cancer clue

The research found that statins appear to increase levels of a protein called NBS-1, which is involved in the repair of DNA within cells. This means they may be able to hold off the effects of old age in the artery wall for a little longer.

Professor Martin Bennett, who led the research, said: "It's an exciting breakthrough to find that statins not only lower cholesterol but also rev up the cells' own DNA repair kit, slowing the ageing process of the diseased artery.

"If statins can do this to other cells, they may protect normal tissues from DNA damage that occurs as part of chemotherapy and radiotherapy for cancer, potentially reducing the side-effects."

Professor Peter Weissberg, the British Heart Foundation's medical director, added: "Too much cholesterol in the blood induces a repeated cycle of damage and repair in the blood vessel wall which results in a heart attack if the repair mechanism is inadequate.

"Statins protect against heart attacks by reducing cholesterol levels and subsequent damage to the vessel wall - this research has shown they may also enhance the blood vessels' natural repair mechanisms."

In her blog, Jane shares the stories of readers, the advice of professionals, and the wisdom gleaned from her own experience caring for her late mother in her waning years.

Her postings are well worth reading – and sharing with your friends and colleagues.

]]> http://dharma05.wordpress.com/?p=124 Sun, 28 Sep 2008 10:51:27 +0000 dharma05 http://dharma05.nl.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/panic/ 3rd post today I think...??? Now am feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack. I'm not writing this for anyone, just for me, as I need to get it out.....I have slept and just laid down all day, my mum chose today to come over, and did her normal, I have had such a hard time speech, about her husband. I just sat there, she knew I was depressed as she asked me why I was still in my pj's. Then she told me to buck up, I just said, please don't say that, it's easier said than done. Of course, she had to ask again, are you getting enough work. Well actually no, but I'm not telling her that. I think I will have to def look for something else, even tho I wasn't going to. I want to talk to someone, but I don't know who, or rather, I don't want to bother anyone else, so that's why I'm writing on this again. I just want to get away, go somewhere new, but then I would have to pack everything up and it seems to hard!!!I am so sick of feeling like this all the time, or most of the time anyway. Why can't I feel happy. The counsellor told me to say in my car, I am happy and then smile, but I can't even do that....it just feels too hard and too false. I want to be clever and do something really interesting, but I have my birthday in a week, and I know I am getting too old....I know I still have time, so to speak, but it's like I am getting into the age group where it is harder to get work, and some things are just no longer available to me becasue of my age. I wish I could start all over again and do things differently. I need something more in my life and I don't know what it is or how to get it......I thought I did, but now I realise nothing has changed, only my job, and the fact I have spent most of my superannuation money, so now I have to start all over again anyway. What a bummer, and what an idiot I am. I just spend and then look back and regret it.

God I hate myself.

1. I hate seeing my name written.It just looks so wrong- particularly in my writing (one of the reasons my signature always looks awkward).I have actually searched through fonts for something that fit- and found a few too, but I never made a note of them or anything.My dad's writing works ,though ( *sheepish* used to make him label all of my books and everything..).

2. I don't like saying my own name.I love it, though ( It means 'unfettered'.And I am glad my mom did not have her way- sorry,  Mom-else, I'd be called Archana.No offense to any Archanas out there..it's just my opinion.)

3. If I try picturing myself as being really old, it's always in a Grandma Convention of cyclists at the Tour de France for some bizarre reason.I know not why-not sure I want to! Whatever I do become, though, I NEVER want to be a sickly invalid.I don't imagine anyone does but the idea that I would be :

a) Dependent on people all the time

b) Bedridden

c) All moany

..Is just scary.A few creaky joints are fine.That kind of thing though, I will NOT tolerate ( I haven't come up with a How.Yet.)

4) No tea, no coffee, no sugar in my milk.. Wait- I even hate milk ! Only, this lactose-intolerance does not go well with La Mere* who insists on "Two glasses a day since you seem to have absolutely no problem with ice-creams and whatnot.Hmph! ". And I don't, for the record.

5) I am stuck in the wrong century.

6) I love haiku.Okay, mostly.Sometimes it's just rubbish.

7) I am not religious, just spiritual.I wouldn't go so far as to call myself an atheist- Agnostic would be more appropriate. If I were to pick a religion, however, it would be Buddhism.According to a survey, a lot of Indians of this generation are of the same opinion.Nice.

8) When I'm bored ( and at school- which, actually, is redundant now I think of it-) I compose posts for the blog in my head.Sometimes..

9) If you could read my mind, 3/4ths of the time you would be listening to Me Ole Cranial Jukebox.Half of the remaining space is for strange philosophy and art.I swear I draw patterns in my head, I really do ! The remaining is the normal stuff, I suppose.Maybe this is why I always have so little ( read : nothing) to talk about because, really, if I started spouting mad poetry or questions on Life, I will most certainly be locked up in a loony-bin somewhere.So although school is not much better, I endure. Should I worry about my sanity? Is this a disorder? Ah, well.

10 ) I contradict myself all the time.For instance, I overthink most insignificant things but I'm also very weirdly laid-back.Like, if we had a test question I didn't understand, I'd rather leave it be and move on to the next one than actually get off my behind and ask. Even otherwise, though, I always question other people of the same opinion as me more than those who choose to differ.Yup : Weirdo.If this makes zero
sense, that's okay.You just fall at the 'Normal' end of the meter.

11) I like garlic bread better than pizza.

12)  I don't resemble either of my parents. (Hmmm..)

13) I hate writing/singing for Other People ( er, yes, this includes everyone besides myself).Particularly the latter.I absolutely hate when people come over who know that I learnt for a while and ask me to sing.I love blogging though, which is..strange.I guess it's more people reading my poetry that I'm averse to.Not that I write it down anymore so hahh! Although my mum has one copy of something I wrote in class V. Why? Why. I can only imagine it's because I'm always saying I'll runaway one of these days and she believes the threat of publishing that will drag me back home..like ransom or something. Grrr..

14) It usually takes me an hour (at least) to fall asleep.(Am I an insomniac?) And no, I am NOT afraid of the Boogey Monster, you have the situation in reverse!

15) Walking/ Cycling (when I'm not too lazy to go get mine tyres filled) always appeals to me rather than a free ride.For environmental reasons and because I just like the independence ( I never remember to be where I should when I should if someone's picking me up.This just saves a lot of trouble at both ends.).Also, most people claim that I walk too fast.I wont comment on this although LucidInsanity, for one, seems to have no trouble with the pace ( Only? She will have to take a coffee break.All the time..!).

16) I hate talking to people over the phone.Okay, I'm obviously not much of a people-person but still.Talking to faces is better than talking into a phone !My life being what it is, though? I spend a huge fraction of it on the phone ( with LucidInsanity..which actually isn't bad.).And I also hate when people yell into phones.You know, there's a reason they exist.If you're going to yell like that you might as well do it directly- why own a phone? (Ha ha..that rhymed!)

17 ) If maneuvering through crowds-or basically, avoiding them- were an Olympic sport, I'd win. Hands down.

So. Can you beat me ?

Update : I just thought of one more : I split my food between the molars at either end.Equal chewing-load and everything.I do not know why.I discovered this particular weirdness quite a while back, actually. I suppose it is egotistical to imagine that the food wants to be eaten by me, like that at both ends.Equally. Oh, and also that I am more than a bit umm..how shall we say -MAD?!

35, lost interest in programming, system administration sucks, don't want to go in management. What to do?

Obviously, IT jobs tend to get boring and monotonous. And the older you get, the worse it is. But this got me thinking as to where I'll be when I get there. Still far away, but inevitable. Anyway, here are some of the interesting solutions posted by the readers:

...he should start a business, grow out a beard, stop showering, become socially inept, and start driving an energy efficient car - for a stress-free life, my friend. Oh wait, he said he was a programmer.. just start a business.

F*ck, retiring at 35 would be awesome. I'd be down with that.

Forget retiring. Just being 35 would be awesome. Although I'd prefer 25..

You also might need to get laid.

A small sheep farm on Mallorca. Well, that's one way to get laid.

Obviously, it is time for you to become a ninja

Save up a little money and laze around for six months in a south east Asian country.

Marry a rich wife and run for president?

Of course, there are a lot of seriously good suggestions like this one, but who cares? I am not yet 35, no where near.

Thankfully, badminton is something which I enjoy, as I'm not so anxious to lose weight that exercise is an attractive enough end in itself. Although I will confess to having a fairly unrealistic concept of the scale of my body anyway. Not in terms of my weight, but simply that I too frequently fail to entertain the notion that I might not fit through a gap down the back of a desk when plugging in a printer, or sticking my arm under a couch to retrieve a runaway malteser.

When idly strolling around, I will all too often find myself wondering if I could curl up and fit into a nearby cardboard box, or get my whole body through the hole in the back of a chair, when in reality I probably couldn't even get my head through it.

Even when the space is big enough, I seem incapable of actually remembering that my body is wider than my head. I'm probably clipping a hip or shoulder off a doorframe a good few dozen times a year. This is nature's way of telling me I should be living in an open-plan barn, if not a vast, empty field.

One of the most frequent forms of spacial unappreciation comes when lazily trying on shirts in department stores. It isn't that I try on items too small for me, it's that I take them off by simply undoing the two top buttons and try to pull them over my head, an act that fails to take into account the fact that I have arms and shoulders. Rather than resulting in the swift removal of the shirt, this act simply results in it getting stuck inside-out over my face, with the collar still around my neck and both arms held in the air on either side of my head. At this point, I always seem to instincively do the same thing. I turn around.

I'm not sure exactly what this is supposed to achieve, whether I expect that I might magically change shape when facing in a different direction, but invariably it just ends with me bashing at least one arm off the wall of the cubicle, and in some instances bouncing my head off one of the clothes hooks.

The shirt gets pulled down, I undo the buttons properly; the whole process takes six times as long as this simple task of undressing should have required. And I learn nothing, doing the whole thing again at some other point in the near future. I am big, but I'm not clever.

We all know we have an ageing population. Therefore, the extrapolation could be that the number of Singles and those over 60 will keep growing too.

Did you realise that when the baby boomers reach their 70s that there will be an estimated 332,000 single women and only 145,000 single men.

Great news - if you're a guy I guess! Still I hope this is an incentive for all the guys to keep themselves fit and healthy for their 70s. Watch out girls!

Now for all of you elsewhere in the (Western) world, don't worry - you're stats will undoubtedly reflect the same sort of skew.

Who said it was a man's world - we knew that all along!!!

At 23, almost 24, I feel old and it's Nick at Nite's fault. I just flipped through the channels and saw the television show "Home Improvement" playing with the familiar Nick at NIte logo in the corner of the screen.

When I was a little girl, I recall watching "Green Acres", "Get Smart", "Mr. Ed", "Dragnet", etc. on Nick at Nite with my dad. To me, these shows were ancient and not so very appealing, with the exception of Get Smart, which I loved. I watched them to spend "quality" time with my dad.

Now, I'm the one seeing my shows featured on NIck at NIte. Does this mean I'm aging? I guess so...

Wow, what a smack in the face on a Friday night.

Or, maybe I"m reading too far into this. Maybe Nick at NIte has simply expanded it's line up to include programs from the not-so-far-gone past.

Thoughts?

A suggested slogan for my Last.FM group - New Weird America - was "grow some hair". I objected to this on the grounds that, at 50, I'm at an age when loss rather than growth is the reality. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that I'm not actually losing hair but that it is being displaced. What is no longer on my head is now sprouting in my back, nose, ears + eyebrows.Entreprenuers are not slow at identifying a market opportunity in this field of male grooming. The finger shaped trimmer (pictured left ) is just one example of the gadgets available. This one is supposedly meant to personalise the process but looks like a sick recycling of an amputated body part.

Babette Cole wrote a marvellous book for kids called 'Hair In Funny Places' about what happens to your body during puberty. It's full of wisdom about hormonal side effects, such as the fact that that which makes you feel horny also makes you smelly and spotty. 'Mr & Mrs Hormone' are depicted as grotesque rat-like figures concocting their dastardly chemicals in a lab.

I think there should be an adult version of this book which could be handed out to men aged 30 and over at health clinics. It could be called 'Hair In Funnier Places' and would give prior notice of the tricks nature continues to play through your life span. After all, when the Daily Apple blog confronted this issue in 2005 it revealed that testosterone is the culprit in the young and old.

You have been warned!

This announcement builds on the work done by ACT Labor MLA Mary Porter in consulting with the community on the needs of residents, owners and operators.

It's crucial that with our ageing population, the financial and social interests of all those involved are well understood, clearly documented and observed.

The code of conduct will help build a legal platform for the future, and compliments the ACT Labor Government's strategies for the provision of affordable housing options for older Canberrans.

Since ACT Labor came to Government in 2001, 900 aged care beds have either been delivered, or are under design or construction.

         firms

·       Strategic planning for businesses

·       Teaching, public speaking and writing

·       Knowledge Management

·       Coaching

“When there’s lots of food, TOR gets active, which decreases the action of pha-4/FoxA down the line, and that in turn shortens the lifespan of C. elegans.”

“When there’s little food, there’s little TOR and more pha-4/FoxA, and that results in a longer lifespan.