yeaaaa... me, along with my whole crew got fired today. i dont mean fired i mean "laid off" and by laid off i mean "screwed" [however you want to phrase it, we got no jobs yo]...

however, i cant decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing... maybe bc we really did have it good there at ol' swi / moxymedia / experthub / lawfirms ... yea, they couldnt even decide on one name... and by they, im referring to our two asshole of managers/presidents/assholes Steve Rossow and Steve Lombardi [the two jokes from cali who think they know how to run businesses]... and by run businesses i mean come in, do what they think is best [which is clearly not considering their companies have all FAILED] and fire everyone and go back on their merry way to california... man i cant wait till that state breaks off and goes to chill in the pacific all by itself.

anyways, yea, so maybe as im writing i do decide its a good thing. although, sitting at my desk all day playing on myspace, working on my own projects and chatting on instant message wasnt all that bad... but i suppose i can really do that just about anywhere since i am so skilled and sneaky.

as im writing, i also think... why the heck did i get ready for bed? there is perfectly good alcohol to be drank down at hookah bar with some pretty cool friends... but then i remember, i already took nyquil and put on night cream... so i guess i am going to bed only to wake up to a nice sunny day of unemployment by the pool.

AIG execs hold $440K post-bailout retreat

*snip*

Top executives at the failed insurance giant AIG spent more than $440,000 at a company retreat days after the federal government bailed out the company with $85 billion in taxpayer funds.

American International Group (AIG) paid the exclusive St. Regis resort in Monarch Beach, Calif., more than $200,000 for rooms — some costing as much at $1,000 a night — as well as more than $150,000 in meals, according to released documents an testimony during a hearing of the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform Tuesday on Capitol Hill.

"Less than one week after taxpayers rescued AIG, company executives could be found wining and dining at one of the most exclusive resorts in the nation," said committee Chairman Henry A. Waxman, California Democrat.

The invoice also included almost $25,000 in spa and salon charges for pedicures, manicures, facials, massages and other services.

My math teacher is in the habit of hanging on to our homework and tests FOREVER. So long, that I asked whether or not we would be receiving any of them back (he’s yet to return ANY of our homework). We took test #3 before receiving test #2 back. Turns out I totally bombed test #2, which would have been really fucking nice to know before taking test #3. Especially since math is a subject where concepts build upon one another and now I’m freaked out that I may have bombed the most recent test (which I wouldn’t fucking know because he hasn’t graded mine yet...though he did grade the majority of the rest of the class - WTF man?!), when I could have worked on misunderstood concepts if my teacher wasn’t so fucking lazy, and did his goddamned job.

I spent the better part of the morning feeling really crushed and did a semi-decent amount of crying. (Thank god for clear mascara gel - not that it mattered by the end of the day because even though my lashes looked pretty good, I still looked like someone had punched me in the face and rubbed lemon juice into my eyes.)

My dismal math scores led me to the (very adult, very disappointing) decision to cancel my trip to St. George this weekend. I seriously need to buckle down and do a sick amount of studying and I know that I won’t be able to do that if I’m out of town, having fun, as planned with Stephanie. Even though I know I need to stay home, I’m so bummed I can hardly stand it. While talking it over with my sister I started bawling. While breaking the news to Stephanie I started bawling. While thinking about it in the car I started bawling. (Notice a pattern?)

I just feel like shit for disappointing Stephanie. We haven’t seen each other since the 4th of July and we’re both lonely for each other. I hate this. I’m hoping today will be better and I’ll feel like less of a failure - in school and my personal life. The general ick of yesterday began to seep into other aspects of my life and suddenly I was an insecure cotton-headed ninny muggin. And it was about shit that I have NOTHING to worry about. Sometimes I really hate having feelings.

Now come on, commiserate with me about your shitty Monday and help me feel better, would ya?

1. you find the topic interesting,

2. your into fucked up things or

3. you stumbled on to this site and said "what the fuck?".

Whatever reason you may have thats cool. Now this site is dedicated to all things weird, cruel, cool and fucked up. Did I just say fucked up? YES I DID SAY FUCKED UP! hahahahaha!!! Well enough of the bullshit introductions lets get down to business shall we?

Anybody here does drugs? Anybody here thinks life is cruel? Anybody here drinks wayy too much to the point you start puking your guts off and start doing dumb ass things? Well thats what insane in the membrane is all about.

Our first story entitled

"Love makes you do stupid ass things"

This story is soo cliche because obviously it talks about a guy who'se in love with a girl who unfortunately doesn't share the same feelings the guy does. It all started when both emo boy met complicated girl at work. They were both newbies and were in training. They would hang out, take breaks together and eventually got  close.

That's when emo boy started having feelings for complicated girl. Now what the fuck do you think happened next? Well obviously emo boy started asking complicated girl if she wanted to hang out outside the office and blah blah blah. I forgot to mention that since they were both in training their other team mates were wondering "whats up". As if shit like that aint obvious in the work place. So moving forward emo boy thought he had a chance with complicated girl since she was entertaining the poor bastard low and behold that complicated girl still had the hots for her ex and for another training buddy. Emo boy got soo furious and started slashing his damn wrists and arms.

Moral of the fucking story? WE ALL HEARD THIS SHIT BEFORE! one way or another it's all DRAMA DRAMA AND MORE FUCKING DRAMA! I mean c'mon as if his life was soo shitty. Everybody goes thru shit! Thats how life is. It dont matter how many times you fall but how many times you stand up and take the hit! Life is a beat yo ass motherfucker and it will continue to challenge you to the point you think you've hit rock bottom. Now if you think slashing your wrists is a way to release emotional pain your having then damn it just get a motherfucking gun and blast your punk ass away. Now lets see how tough emo boy really is.

If I were in this fucking situation I'd go to the nearest bar, get fucking drunk and find a hot bitch who I can fuck all night long. Now that's livin! People forget that evrybody has choices in dealing with their own shit. In a positive note charge it to experience and move. I swear I know why these EMO people are called emo. Their all DRAMA and emotionally charged. I have nothing against the emo peeps. JUST STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME.

Hope you liked this fucked up stories and I promise you more fucked up ones to come. So till then grab a beer, fuck a hot bitch and live life to the fullest fuckers!

You're all still the same. You're all still idiots and assholes and bullshitters. Well, I'm a fighter of bullshit. I'm a fighter of bullshit and all those that produce it, a lover of intellect and a hater of ignorance. I believe that creativity must thrive, stupidity must die, and all those that sit idly by while the good takes a fall and the bad stands tall are equally just as guilty.

I believe in shenanigans, I believe in tomfoolery, but I say nay to douchebaggery. Kids like you that can only feel good about themselves by manipulating, hurting, and taking advantage of others. None of you deserve what good people offer. For me to have given any of you the benefit of the doubt was my own fault. I'll never make that mistake again. I've learned my lesson: you fucks will never change. So, believe you me, one day, when the world burns and death anxiously reap the likes of you, I will be so desperately tempted not to reach out my hand. I will wish to watch you burn, I will wish to watch you suffer, but I won't let that happen. If I did, I'd only be similar to you and that's something I never want to be. I'd rather die the cruelest of deaths before being anything like you.

Love,
Your lost chance at being decent human beings.
I'll see you in hell.

Oh, by the way, quick question: Do you feel empty inside? Because I'd imagine that's how it feels to not have a brain or a soul. Maybe you ought to use all that free space for storage?

He's getting a little to damned comfortable in this relationship. Meaning his true form is showing. Its not like it was that much covered but shit I didn't notice before; I'm catching on to. He got one more time to whatever me and I'm going to snap. He contradicts the fuck out of himself. He ask a question then when he gets an answer he didn't/don't want to hear he says whatever like he shouldn't of asked or didn't want to know in the first damned place. I've never been angry at any of my significant others every other damned day. Like I said in my other blog, this relationship is more stress than its worth. Day after day I'm finding less and less things thats keeping me around. I'm just waiting on that last leaf to make its way to the ground. That last straw, that last drop; that last breath. I don't know if I would snap or just leave. Its come down to the point it wouldn't even be a point in me even getting angry or even saying anything when it doesn't mean squat TO him.

He in a minute is gone have his basketball friends, his best friend, his myspace friends, his CS friends and Y! friends but the girlfriend; is going to be gone. She might go back on her promise and not even be his friend. She might go back on her word and leave him. She just damned well might go back on everything she vowed not to do for the sake of her blood pressure.

Its like he think cause he has the title "boyfriend" he gets special treatments and shit. I mean yea the little shit but some shit he just makes me want to release all my anger out and clothesline the shit out of him. He don't realize I can get angry enough to toss his ass. I don't never remember much or know where the strength come from but someone usually gets hurt when I'm that angry. I hate bottling shit up, I hate repeating myself, I hate going through this shit over and over, I'm almost hate caring cause all it looks like to me is him getting a free ride. Well since he like living in filth; he like the way his home looked before I came around. Well thats how its gone be. I'm not gone pick up after him at all. I'm going to let him be on his daily scheduled routine; like I'm not around or something. I'm going to act invisible most of the time. This living arrangement is only temporary.

SOON as I get me a damn job and a damned good one I WILL be looking for me a place ASAP. & No he can't move in or come dirty up my place either. MAN it ain't even about his capabilities of cleaning or the fact his house if I wasn't there wouldn't get/be cleaned. Its the fact he takes advantage of shit.

You know, I'm very random with my blogs, I jump from one topic to another but still is understood ROYALLY. Anyway, this medicine that I'm taking; causes mood swings. But this is NO mood swing. These are bottled feelings that can't but want to escape, want to be heard, want to be seen, want to be acknowledged. But the man that is the main reason to all the madness is so blind, to the fact that he doesn't realize he's blind. He think its easy talking to him, he think its easy discussing shit to him. Everything is one sided cause he got this facade that he has all the answers. I hate that about him. He don't have all the answers. He don't know half of which he speak. When I cook, he has a problem with that. That irks the FUCK out of me when someone tell me what to do in the damned kitchen. I'm not kitchen illiterate. I know my way around. Let me move around that bitch to the best of my abilities. Don't tell me what to put in a pan. Let me do this. You wasn't in the kitchen when I started don't try to be in there when I damned there finished. When I do eat, he has a problem with that. He says I play around with my food; I've never done that a day in my life. He says I never eat. No you aren't around me every single moment. The 3-day weekend he was gone, I ate at least 50-60 times. I kept going back and back and forth to the store and to the fridge. I couldn't stop eating and I haven't taken my medicine yet. So he thinks he knows me, he thinks he knows my habits. When he only knows what he see's. Nothing that happens repeatedly, just that one time and he knows right away I do it all the time. Get that bullshit out of here Ced. We have NOT ONCE sat down and told each other our dreams, or even told where and how we grew up face to face.

Haven't even told you how I got so talented besides looking and shit and being stuck in the house when I was younger. Yea the shit I wrote you but the things you say and do to be is very obvious that you read it with your mind and eyes closed. Maybe you read it but shit you didn't remember half the shit that was said cause you didn't read it. I hate wasting my time thinking I'm going to get through that person only to be let down in the end. I give my all and that isn't enough. I knew I should of just stay with my girlfriend. We was cool man but we grew a part after high-school and shit. I would love to just turn back the tables and not even deal with the things that come with a penis. Some no MOST of y'all men of today that sit and chat with face-less people on the net day in day out is forgetting that it's going to be a day where someone is going to care and be there for you, but y'all just gone push them away cause you let that e-life rub off on you and thats all the hell you know. Half the time the e-life you're living is fake and you just so happened to start believing the shit and start acting it out in real life. Whether its calling females bitches or just not being themselves all together.

Another thing, I've talked to my ex about all the nudity on this computer I'm using; which is my boyfriends. She told me that even if she was a nigga she would have the respect to make that shit disappear. Thats disgusting and rude as fuck to even have that shit right in your face and its also a sign of cheating and worse things to come/happen. Either that person got a problem or he just don't give a damn about you and think them bitches he'll never fuck is more worthwhile than the one thats actually putting up with his bullshit and being there for him. She told me to let him keep e-fucking them face-less bitches miles and miles away. He gone look up and thats all the hell he gone have.

My ex-girl is just as real as me but unlike her when she speak people actually try to better themselves for good. Not for no damn week like my boyfriend but for life.

He is great to be around don't get me wrong there are some good qualities about him. Or I wouldn't be sticking around. I'm a sucker for love but I ain't no damn fool. Its not even about the sex; its pretty obvious I don't need it in my life. I mean I get the occasional horny-ness but who doesn't? Anyway, if it were more good qualities to out-weigh the bad qualities, I would be back in love with him but sadly, I'm out of it. I just love him. I'm not in love with him no more. That flame blew out a yr ago. Its sad its going to be 3 yrs and I know less about him than I did 2 yrs ago. People say if you fall out of love, you were never in love to begin with. People fall out of love like a chronic depressed person stops doing things they loved the most.

Also its like he hiding something. My gut is always right and my heart, every time I think about it; it starts beating fast. So yea he's hiding something and its bad but he says he not hiding anything but I'm rarely paranoid. I'm rarely not on the money. I be right on the money. & If he don't just come out with it, this relationship won't make it to this November and maybe not even that long. My heart is already telling me to throw in the towel on this relationship. Its not anything major that he's doing thats causing me to want to break up. Its the same little shit that keeps getting to me.

I know what I like in a man when it comes to a relationship. Just not with him, I don't know whats keeping me around, I don't know why I'm bothering myself with him. Not only does my heart tells me about the bad but it has a good side too. I think about down the road I guess. I guess that keeps the relationship going. Plus I can just sit and think about certain things he does or say and I just burst out laughing; damned there in tears.

Its very simple in fact; keeping me happy that is. Just make me laugh and do things with me. Its probably my last relationship, I go so much attention from that abomination. I kind of want that back. The attention my boyfriend gives me half the time isn't something I want. Usually I end up bruised and or in a choke hold from him wrestling with my ass. I guess beggars can't be choosers. I'll get the attention anyway I can I guess.

if i had a dollar for all of the times I thought I'd found the right one
I'dbe a billionaire
i could probably ride out and go and buy me one
i wouldn't mind a dude
that could take my attitude
and take the time to listen
someone that understands when i need a little space
and when i need attention. All you got to do is come around.

-N-

By: Paul G. Atkinson IV

(The Stetson University Reporter online version can be seen here.)

I decided to walk in someone else's shoes for a day. I was looking for change and an interesting new way to endure one of those fraternity "dress to pin" days. In short, I decided to be an asshole for a day.

It began with the outfit. I was at some cheap outlet, possibly Beall's, looking for shorts to no avail when I stumbled across a pair of sea foam green (vomit/putrid swamp colored) boat shoes. The urge to get these disgustingly composed Sperry Topsiders at an unbelievable price took me by storm. Sporting these in some kind of mocking ironic fashion would really make my day.

Then I was struck by an epiphany. I began to wonder, "Just what other frat-tastic/sailor-esque/ultra-preppy clothing items were available to add to this nonsense?" It turned out there was plenty of fun to be had. I ended getting a tie to match the shoes and one of those belts covered in all the important waving nautical flags any knowledgeable first-mate should know.

I decided to sport the belt, tie, and heinous shoes with some slim-fit khakis and an equally slender extra small white dress shirt... but what really topped it off was the brown with gold trim Dragon brand "stunna shades" that graced my face. I had never heard this term before until I put said shades on and was complimented by a random stranger. The shades covered more than just my eyes, consuming at least 67% of my face, letting two giant rounded rectangles wrap around my head.

After a full day of classes with this attire I learned something not only about myself, but something about college students, and maybe even America in general. I expected to get the same odd looks I often get while sporting skintight jeans like the emo kid that I am. Instead I was showered in smiles, head nods, and unspoken telepathic high-fives.

I have never had so many beautiful girls look straight into my eyes and smile. A few even turned their heads away, bashful, as I walked by. With my face half covered by the "stunna shades" I could easily stare right back and smile or nod without really making eye contact, seeming full of an outgoing demeanor I'm not known for. I even had a completely straight male say, "Lookin' good!" out of his opening full-face grin.

Now there certainly were some people staring and smiling trying to hold back laughter, but they were a minority. But by the end of the day I felt smug as all hell and didn't have a full grasp on this phenomenon.

I came to the conclusion that it takes confidence to pull off such an outfit. And though I'm far from the most confident person I know, I was perceived to have this characteristic solely based on looks. I was a book judged merely by my cover. People prize confidence.

Another realization came to me from a friend. When I asked him, "On a scale of one to ten, how big of an asshole do I look like today?" He replied with, "I don't know, probably around a thirteen." I mentioned the observations of the day and he seemed to think that a desired confidence from onlookers was only one piece of the puzzle. He seemed to think that my dressing like an endowed daddy's trust fund boy was the biggest factor in gaining female attention. People love money.

So it turns out that a 'stylish' outfit combined with an inflated chest and a smug smile can capture the care of nearly anyone. With an air of confidence and a presentation of wealth, power is yours.

This is why girls wake up from blacked-out nights with the clothes I mentioned strewn across their floors. With enough money in your pocket, who cares how ridiculous you look? By transcending the standards of normal clothing you transcend societies standards of realism. You can engage anyone, take on any task, and those around you will assume you happen to know what you are doing. This is all simply because they assume your stupid clothing is related to some higher understanding of fashion that common people have yet to fathom: You know more, therefore you are more.

This is why the US government is about to throw $700 billion to bailout some corporations that presented themselves as wealthy until they suddenly folded penniless. Now this was obviously not the result of obnoxious outfits, but rather a bloated and assured presentation to unknowing onlookers. Everyday these stockbrokers dressed like I did but they had more confidence than I could muster, enough to cheat $5,000 out of every American. With enough cash handouts to government officials and enough PR guys to avert the eyes of the press you can rape an entire country with your confidence.

Being an asshole doesn't come without a price though... those damn boats shoes gave me blisters.

Then the Issues started.

He would want to come over to our place, which is fine, we have friends over all the time. But this is how the call food go.

Asshole: Hey, you got any food at your place?

Me: Umm… I don't really have dinner stuff 'cause we ate out, but we have snacks etc.

Asshole: Nevermind

Then he wanted to do laundry at our place cause his place didn’t have laundry. We told him it's cool, we live in a condo, its unlimited everything for us, so it makes sense. He would literally call before coming with laundry, sit around while doing it, then leave. No calls within the week, nothing. Basically, we were his laundromat.

I'm 90% sure he thinks we didn't hook him up with a job out of some vindictive reason (you'll see why in the next reason).