Look, folks: I’m not happy about that baby I ate. But I had to. I was too damn hungry and he was too damn honey-slicked. Now I can’t apologize for something I can’t uneat, but let me just—if I may—tell a quick story in my defense. This one time, when we were working on Seed of Chucky, John Waters took a dump in the middle of the room. It was just wild. He said he did it to get us refocused, because Jennifer Tilly was hopped up on the Steve Coogan moonshine and started yelling at Redman because she thought he was Method Man and I guess Method Man once tried to smoke Corky, her cat, or something? So it was just chaos, and the director Don Mancini just could not keep it together. And boom, Waters, the fucking genius, takes a dump to refocus us. Let me tell you, it worked. It was just wild.

Well, if you're looking for something fun to do and can think of anyone in your world expecting a baby (or even a new mamma who could stock up on some essentials..) then we have the perfect idea for your next arts and crafts afternoon!  Introducing... The Ultimate Diaper Cake by Parents.com!

While there are 100s (if not 1000s) of diaper cakes featured all across the Web and on YouTube, ours is clearly one of the most modern and classy.  Sitting atop a crystal cake stand and decked out in heavy silk and sheer ribbons, The Ultimate Diaper Cake by Parents.com will really tell that special mom-to-be in your life that she is top notch.

The display is a great centerpiece at any baby shower, plus the individual pieces -- bottles, diapers and ribbons -- will be useful for months to come.  Stash some surprise gifts inbetween the diapers for Mom to find after the guests leave!

Stay tuned to catch the video demonstration, by Liz herself, coming to a ParentsTV near you.  And also to be added soon: Everything you need to build your very own Ultimate Diaper Cake with advice and tips from the editors at Parents.com.  

This link will be added shortly, if not already:

www.parents.com/diapercake

If not, try other great craft ideas here: 

http://www.parents.com/fun/arts-crafts/

Sorry, gotta do a little promoting for my workplace -- it really is a very cool site!

Denman was born on December 5th 2007, at Surrey Memorial Hospital

Caspian, born July 8th 2007, one hour after arriving at Surrey Memorial Hospital

Arielle was born at home on August 3rd 2007

Delcine was born April 6th, 2008 at Surrey Memorial Hospital.

This question will forever remind me of the horrible 70's sex ed video they show you in middle school. After explaining to my group what the clitoris was... I decided, no, I wasn't.

Maybe now I am. Sorta. In this area anyway. Maybe?

Earlier this fall J and I were pregnant, I guess technically I was pregnant, point was, there was a baby. Half J, half C. A couple months into it I miscarried. Which, really was the best thing for us. -And the baby.

We're both young, college students, barely stable enough to take care of ourselves, let alone a baby.

Except ever since that time I go through little phases where I feel... Empty. Really empty. I swoon and sigh at every enlarged belly and small child I see. Then I buy things.. Lots of things. Lots of things I don't need to fill that ridiculous little gap; and then when my phase passes I return most of them.

This whole "maternal instinct" thing is gettin' really old. I know I've done a lot and accomplished quite a bit for someone my age. But isn't it a bit early for this? Is it just because of the miscarriage? Do most girls go through this at my young age?

Hey Maternal Instinct: Go away for about... Oh, at least six years. Let's say 10.

But I'm still left wondering about this, is it normal?
Am I normal?

--gnad

Today when we got home, after her bottle, Mavvy came into the room.  Cait jumped off my lap and walked over to him.  She bent over and said "Hiiiii !!".  Her Dad and I are watching this, and we're chuckling.

Apparently Mavvy wasn't paying attention because Caity bent down again, "Hiiii Mavvy!!!!" and for good measure she babbled something else to him.  Mavvy looked up at her, meowed and then Caity leaned in for a kiss.

It was very amusing.  I wish I had it on video.

A few things I have in mind... for me its not about being scared of change, its about easing my way into it...

1. drink wayyyyyy more water

2.Have an itinerary for days that I'm home with the mini me so theres not a second I find myself sitting down with nothing to do.

3. Do not have a drink in my hand if I'm not shaking my ass along with it (hey at least Im burning what im putting in)

4. sit ups every night!

5.Seriously think about waking up at 6 in the morning and going running/walking really fast before the BD has to be to work.

6. DId I mention more water?

And here are some things I have noticed in my days of being "fat"

-Always have jeans in your wardrobe that aren't stretch. They are the jeans that will let you know you are gaining. I swear I blame my three stretch skinny jeans for at least 10 pounds, they are your frenemy!

-Office jobs make me hungry and since I'm just sitting there, no energy is burned

-When you are used to eating whenever you get the chance and then you have a child that HAS to eat three meals a day, you often eat when you're not hungry (hey I admitted I'm not disiplined!)

-When you live with a chef you are at a HIGH RISK of gaining weight. For one, they can actually cook so you like eating. Also they use lots of flavor and we all know flavor is usually going to equal fattening!

-Okay I'm Italian, the BD is Dominican. What does that tell you????? RICE AND PASTA, people! Oh boy am I fucked.

-When you aren't fat you can be sexy, cute, beautiful, etc... when you're fat it usually goes down to cute.. I still get beautiful but sexy has gone down.. damn gut!

ON A SIDE NOTE: I was never ever skinny. I was always thick. Big hips and thighs. But I had a cute tummy. I could rock the shirts that rose up a lil as I walked and it was cute enough to not have to pull the shirt down every two minutes. I honestly just have major issues with the belly and arms. The belly just needs to go away and tighten and the arms are so big from carrying a 30 lb baby plus 10 lbs stroller up and down lets see, 12 flights of stairs every day (yes 12! I just counted all of the stairs from the Castle Hill stop on the 6 train to the 57th street N R and W station) so yea my arms need to shrink and tighten as well.  ALSO.. I don't HATE the way I look. I think I have pulled off being chubby pretty good. I still get the dudes trying to talk to me and everything, but I just can't do it anymore. GOODBYE 40 POUNDS. I WON'T MISS YOU AT ALL!!

BEFORE BRIANA:

DURING BRIANA:

AFTER BRI:

(I left them big so I dont accidently shrink myself into how I wish I looked hehe)

Who? Me? No time to relax - I am on to something - something really big. I am almost there...

This is the story of most of us. The goals of life are reset the moment it doesn't meet the standards set by others.

We are always in hot chase - Chasing shadows of reality ... Shadows of perception - We hardly perceive

Shadows of Happiness & Bliss...

By the time we have exhausted ourselves of the fuels of life - the reference point has moved somewhere else - We are living in fourth dimension all the time ....The future makes sense while the present is squandered in glory.

Why can't we change our reference point from outside to inside - so that our heart & soul is in sync .....

Because that's painful ...That needs real courage....Lots & Lots of it...And most important of all-

It necessitates the removal of centuries of Baggage & Bias - Of our culture ...Of rituals & religion...Of our family & Society...Of our fears & apprehensions...Of our hegemony & superiority....Of our race & nation...Of our language & literature....THAT'S A LOT OF BAGGAGE.

But, then the choice is ours - To keep running without a destination or

To start the process of self-purging

For me, the happiness is cocooned in -

Watching the babies sleep!

Watching the dog wag its tail at the sight of you!

Gazing at Birds flying away to their nests at twilight with food for their little one!

Seeing the first bloom of Tulips in Spring!

Rain drops making ripples in an isolated lake...

The list goes on.....And you know what...All this is right in front of us...Every moment...Right now - If we care to open our eyes & ears..

: : : : : : : : : : :

I dunno about you, but that's just fucking precious.

Of course, this all comes to me secondhand from my mom, but in the spirit of the week after Mother's Day, I'll happily continue to believe it.

Look at how sad this is! Gad, I'm just surfing the Net, for cryin' out loud, and I'm nearly crying!

Maybe I'm still moved by watching The Diving Bell and the Butterfly last night...

After a day of yachting around the southern end of France, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt headed over for a family helicopter ride across the ocean.

In other news it has been confirmed that Angelina is expecting twins!  Her "Kung Fu Panda" co-star Jack Black let the word slip that the actress is expecting double this time!  This adds their bunch up to 6 children!  I wonder how Angie has the energy for it all.

Change your mind about having kids, and have at least 2 of them.  Then, one day, when you feel like they are old enough, leave the siblings alone for 10-15 minutes.  

When you come back, there's a good chance you will see the older sibling holding the younger one in a choke-hold, or punching him in the arm for no apparent reason.  Pull the older sibling away from the younger one, and ask him why he felt the need to cause violent harm to his brother or sister.

Then, wait for the answer - "I don't know.  I don't know!" - and see how long it takes for your sanity to disappear!

This is one of the most annoying aspects of having children - they spend a good portion of the day doing things an older person would refer to as "stupid", yet when it comes time to explain themselves and their actions, 9 times out of 10 the response a parent will get is...

"I don't know.  I don't know!"

When a child says this, the thing that sucks is, they really may NOT know.  Younger children who say this haven't learned enough vocabulary words to be able to completely express why that toy hammer they were holding just HAD to be pounded on their sibling's head.  They aren't able to say, "I was mad at him for not doing what I said, so I decided to hit him" - instead, they just respond with:

"I don't know.  I don't know!"

And it's not just when they are fighting with their siblings.  A kid will do something like walk out the house with just his underwear on, hoping to be able to go to the house next door and pet the new kitty cat the neighbors just bought.  The parent will notice the kid gone, and, after frantically tearing the house upside down, go outside to see their young one halfway across the street!  

They'll run up to their child - who's about to be hit by an incoming 1987 Cadillac - and, after hugging them, ask them, "What made you think it was a good idea to leave the house by yourself without permission OR supervision?!?"

And their answer? "I don't know. I don't know!"

Now, some people may be up to the challenge of hearing this argument from a little person day in and day out for at least the first 10 years of a kid's life.  But me, I'd rather be able not to have to deal with the stupidity OR unsatisfying answers kids have to offer me.

Why, you ask? Gee, I don't know!

-A.P. Taylor

Send your "Why I'm NEVER Having Kids" stories to neverhavingkids@gmail.com. 

"Choose who you believe will make the strongest candidate in the fall," she said at her Charleston rally in a pitch aimed at superdelegates. She was returning to Washington to meet Wednesday with some of them.
(http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=D90LEC081&show_article=1)

Shown here, she is taking a break, sipping babies' blood as it is considered impolite to actually drink straight from the victim in public.

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

Incredibly Important Public Service Announcement

Solar Powered Bra.

More Solar Powered Bra Drivel

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

Religion of Peace, my fuzzy ass.

Fox News Article: OPEC Turns Back On Neighbors

We knew this was happening because of food crops being used unwisely and wheat rust (wheat-disease-threatens-global-crops). But wouldn't you think that since the muslims are so good at hating the rest of the world they might at least love each other? Guess not.

Please note that we lead in donations, at $1B. Do you think that this means anything to anyone in terms of our general popularity? That's a pass.

The only way to treat preeclampsia is through delivery of the baby. If you are far enough along in your term, it is not uncommon for your doctor to induce labor. Women who are diagnosed earlier in their pregnancy may be requird to submit to bed rest or take medication to reduce their blood pressure.

Swelling, headaches, blurred vision, and sudden weight gain are symptoms of the condition. It is important to maintain regular prenatal care throughout your pregnancy and be aware of any symptoms you may be exhibiting. Talk with your doctor if you feel you may be at risk for preeclampsia.

A new study conducted in mice found that when a certain gene malfunctioned, the chance of preeclampsia was greatly increased. You can read about the finding at the Washington Post.

He needs things in his hands, he needs to go, he can't sit still, he can't cuddle.  He's up and at em or he's sleeping.  When he's nursing he's wiggling and kicking and pinching and on and on.  When he's done nursing he sits straight up and go go goes.  Must do more STUFF.

His little chompers are coming through so fast now.  He's actually teething really well aside from his dreadful eczema but even that could be much much worse (I hear it sometimes oozes).  He's got 5 teeth and #6 is starting to show itself a little bit.  I'm glad he's teething a bit sooner than Silas, get it over with!!  Silas is JUST cutting his two year molars...grrrrr.

Ikey's favorite food has got to be pasta with tomato sauce.  He gets this look on his face and he just eats and eats and eats and eats.  He actually spends a lot of time eating ha ha.  Kinda like his mommy :).  That boy has been so good with solid foods.  I bought maybe 10 cans of baby food and a few boxes of rice cereal but he didn't really want to be fed and he wanted to eat our food.  Of course I was cautious but he is the best little masticater in the world (he chews food better than Silas) and so he eats what we eat.  I guess Organic food for the first year was out of the question with this boy.  Silas was eating organic baby food from a jar until he was about 13 or 14 months old.  He's a dreadful little chewer.

Last night Brent forgot about Isaac's chewing skills and decided that it would be a very good idea to stick a rice puff to the tip of his tongue and feed it to Isaac (ya I think it's weird too).  Isaac went for it and bit his tongue so hard that he bled.  I wasn't there to see but I heard Brent giggling hysterically.  Don't feed babies with your tongue!

Isaac is trying his hand at disagreeing with me.  He enjoying squacking loudly while arching his back.  Thankfully he's not showing as much "spirit" as Silas has by bashing his head on the floor.  I'll take the arching back any day.

Ikey likes to copy people.  He really observes and then he proudly does it himself.  He pushes cars around the floor like a pro, just like Silas does.  If he gets his naughty little fingers on a brush or a comb then he's running it through his hair.  If Silas crawls around and barks like a dog then so does Isaac.  I love to see him do that.  He observes really really well.  I have a feeling he might be at my feet for the next 4 years wanting to do everything with me.  We'll see.

Ikey's love for music is very different than Silas'.  Just as cute though :).  Music seems to calm Silas but it excites Ikey and he dances quite frequently.  He loves to bounce and bop and he'll stand and rock back and forth with his big, shiny grin.  So so so cute.

He thinks that shaking his head no like a wild beast is one of the funniest things ever.  This morning he was doing it and pieces of oatmeal that were stuck to his face were flying off and hitting the walls.  He also thinks it's really funny to breathe in and out of his nose with a lot of force.  He scrunches his little face up and goes for it.  It hasn't been fun since he's had a little cold this past week.

He's kind of starting to talk more.  Not lots though.  Mama and Dada come out of his mouth a little but he makes up his own words that he likes.  Like "DAT" and "UPF".  Perhaps we should be speaking German with him?

His newest thing is pointing at stuff.  It's really cute especially because Silas never pointed at anything in his life.  I've been pointing at things and saying "what's that?" so Ikey points and says "a dat?" and it's the cutest thing in the world.

I love my boys.  I love their differences and their similarities.  I love that they're so much their own person and I hope I can continue to nurture that in them.  They're so opposite and I really really love that.  It's hard to write things like this without labeling them but I want to let them grow into what they want to grow into and not what I perceive them as being.  Right now Silas seems like my emotional creative boy, he's never been fully "typical" but I love that about him.  Isaac does a lot of thinking and he likes to copy people and he likes playing with toys the proper way.  Looks like I have a left brain and a right brain on my hands.  BUT I'm not labeling...just observing...(K Jill?? ha ha).  It's good if it's that way though, one for each parent.  Brent's the linear logical person who's brain and memories are filed away in perfect order and I'm the emotional creative person who's thoughts and memories resemble jambalaya or scrambled eggs.

Anyway, I hope that catches you up on my children, I definitely talk about me too much ha ha.

PS I'm getting my tattoo tomorrow and you can't stop me neener neener neener!!

From watching Jack play little league to helping Josh learn to play the wii to watching Luke run around in perfect circles on his tippy toes, it all was so wonderful. I can't imagine anything more fulfilling then having little lives like that be around you, and molded by you. But I'm almost positive I don't want to do it alone.

So, it gets back to the whole marriage thing. Well, perhaps not marriage, but at least a committed relationship, committed to the point that I would want to have children with this man. I guess, pretty much marriage.  Will I wake up at 50 years old in a cold sweat feeling like my life has been a total waste if I don't do the husband and kids thing? At this point, I'm pretty sure I will, and this scares the hell out of me. What is the point of a life if you leave no physical legacy?

I'm happy with my life right now. Things are going well. I'm in a better place in the universe then I have been for a long. long time. But will this contentment make me complacent as to moving forward with my life? Will I get comfortable and never marry or have children? Or is it better to be comfortable and let things happen as they are meant to then it would be to actively pursue marriage and children, which may result in them being scared off?

I don't know, but it's pretty much consuming my mind these days. That, and the face below, who could SO be my kid and I totally should have snatched when I had the chance :)  My cousin has two more kids, would he really miss one?

I had one of the most amazing conversations with a college friend last night, and we inevitably got to the question, “so when are you going to have babies”? I realized my answer to said question would not suffice for long, so after this entertaining dialogue, I sat down and wrote one of those infamous lists my parents always coerced me to create prior to making a big decision…so, here’s my list:
Baby now:
Our generation has killer names for kids
We can dress them in mini H&M clothes
I like faux-hocks on kids

Baby later:
Finish schooling
Actually live in the house we own
With today's technology, we’ll have better chances of being closer to cloning the perfect baby
So, I guess both lists are quite superficial and irrelevant…so, to answer the question most clearly…I have no idea. Right now, babies still scare the fool out of me. Watch the news, talk to any of my fellow social work colleagues or even go to the grocery store, and odds are, we all will discover that some people should never have children. What makes me any different?

[side note: please don't think that one blog post is going to sway our decision one way or the other...the stegall's procreation activities isn't a "call to vote" proposition...I've just found that many people have opinions about kids and when to have them...so here's mine.]

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

-- The Red Wheelbarrow, by William Carlos Williams.

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I’m crabby:

Crabby!
by

brianefp

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