I had lost this internet connection at home for quite a long time but apparently it's giving me a break today ;)

Today has been real good, finished up a project today and went through quite a bit of translation today at work also but I'm hoping to get it all completed by Monday and move on to writing my first immigration petition..exciting exciting!!

Also had lunch with the boss today, it's a tradition for the interns and it was very fun. Just as we left the office the rain started at as and it was pouring by the time we were mid way. I was treated to Georgian food which I have been dying to try and the rain only made it more of an adventure. My boss is very easy-going and though obviously as we deal with the law there is a lot of looking things up as they are exactly and nit picky stuff and its not like we just sit around all the time, his attitude about his work (that he is helping people immigrate and really do change people's lives) really makes a very good impression on me :)

Meanwhile, I really have enjoyed my relationship with my host mother and I really believe I will miss her when I leave. We talk about all sorts of things from history of Moscow to Saakashvilli, the Georgian President, to how to make this food or that, or life in general. She is quite a lady and an ultra organized one at that.

Following this post I will put up some pictures as well and it includes some random things as well as my visit to the Moscow racetrack last weekend! It was quite the experience as I've never visited a racetrack before and maybe it will be quite a while before I visit another one but the people we met definitely enriched our memories there. So I went with Makiko, a japanese exchange student who has been here studying Russian for 5 month already, who I randomly met previously ;) But as much as it was completely normal, it was amusing to me that here is was the two of us, Asian girls in Moscow, Russia, not speaking Japanese, Chinese, even English...but communicating purely in Russian and visiting a horse race track of all places :) I know, more bizarre things happen in this world than that...but I thought it was worth a mention.

This weekend promises to be full of adventure. Tomorrow at 12, I'm meeting another friend Connor to visit the Pushkin Fine Arts Museum. A group of us plan to check out the B2 nightclub in the evening and grab something yummy to eat before that. Sunday, a little office field trip to play badminton ;P...hahah....

I'm going to make this a long entry as I rarely got the opportunity these last few weeks to just use the internet for leisure purposes and there have been enough going on worthy of an update ;)

One thing I don't want to forget to mention is my plan to produce and host a show on GUTV in the Fall, temporarily entitled "It's a Small World". The title even has a Russian version ;) "Мир Тесен" My host mother, greatly contributed to the title, I must add. I plan on producing at least 4-5 episodes which means at the least I have to plan for 1 episode or more per month. The topic will be highly linked with the cultures that I am familiar with, namely Russian and Chinese culture, language and politics. The show will be very conversation based and I plan on having a variety of guests from students who have studied abroad to natives to the faculties themselves. I also have some great footage of Russia that will serve as the background of our show....meaning no matter what it will be entertaining to watch! **hint hint** Hahaha....but really, other than broadcasting the show through our network, I fully dedicate myself to uploading it on the internet as well for you most devoted viewers ;P  Maybe you have an interesting idea or two for me as well?? In terms of topic, I am considering things from Orthodox religion in contemporary society to Russian pop music. And if someone would like to have a conversation with me about Putin's muscle on his fishing poster I am only too happy to oblige as well. (By the way, my host mother is love with that picture). So there it is, I'm super excited about the show coming up in the Fall!! I'm even considering buying a Russian military costume as part of the prop but for what exactly I'm not sure...haha..

I guess it is a little late in the entry to say this....but as you may possibly have noticed, if you had visited my blog earlier on in its transformation, the layout is a little different now. I really was not a big fan of the huge font which made entries hard to read, in my opinion. Unfortunately, due to time constraint and some technical insufficiencies of my own, I am still relying on the wordpress themes so if the dark blue-purple background is a little weird, not matching......well you understand.

As I get some rest so I can go do more interesting thing and write about them to entertain you all, I add a couple of links worth checking out

GASTRONOM No.1    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP-vanh6AdY

Modern Moscow really give people the opportunity to live like royalty which is almost contradicting if you think about how it is capitalism that give rise to the extreme modern extravagance in Moscow. Capitalism to take down the monarchs but to give the aristocratic lifestyle to those with money.  Anyways, I don't know French, except for when the Frenchmen says "suprerb" like a Frenchmen and I absolutely agree..hehe..

Ohta Center        http://www.ohta-center.ru/main.html

This is simply one of the coolest webpages ever! Trying playing around with the little arrows near the bottom of the page they let you adjust the time of the day so you can visualize everything..hahah...

Beautiful Russian Restaurants    http://russkaya-storona.ru/moscow/restaurants/Turandot/

Take a look at some of the beautiful restaurants in Russia. Despite all the pretty things that I am posting up, Definitely NOT ALL MOSCOW is like this...

In actual fact, Hugo's death is not imminent - or not as far as I know. The title is inspired by most beloved fellow house-dweller commenting that we should have part of our holiday in the UK, so that Hugo could enjoy having the back of the car to himself one last time, before he has to share it with a young upstart.

So we headed for Center Parcs in the Lake District.

Opinions on Center Parcs seem to vary significantly, so here is my brief summation:
Setting - beautiful... you can't really go wrong in the Lakes, can you.
Accommodation - really comfortable and definitely several hundred notches up from Butlins, though we were in a nice Lakeside apartment for 2, so I can't vouch for the more large-scale stuff.
Amenities - lots to do but all really expensive... which wasn't a problem for me as I didn't particularly want to do anything except laze around. The swimming pool is free though.
Staff - lovely and friendly.
Shop - excellent value Simnel cakes!
Value for money - not great, unless you're referring to the simnel cake!

Objectiveness aside, it was the perfect weekend really. Lots of sitting around watching telly, eating and knitting, and plenty of walking the dog in lovely countryside ... though one walk did turn into a hike through rampant ferns, not unlike our French hike through impassable brambles. Nature clearly has it in for us!

Otherwise ... well there were 3 Starbucks outlets in one relatively small holiday park, so what more could you wish for?!

On Monday we walked Hugo up the side of a waterfall (the treacherous rocks making a change from triffidic plant life), and then got back in the car to continue to the second part of our UK holiday... Blackburn. Yes, you did read that right. We actually looked at all the spectacular and beautiful places this great nation has to offer, and settled on Blackburn! (I blame a zealous husband and the Expedia web site!)

The hotel was an experience, I tell you. "It looks lovely in the pictures," MBFHD tells me. "It's set in 3 acres of landscaped gardens". (Again, note the central positioning of the dog in his considerations... so sweet!).

What Expedia had failed to mention was that someone had built an extension right on top of the 3 acres of garden, leaving precisely no acres left!

That part of Lancashire is a strange combination of intense multi-culturalism and intense reactionary nostalgia. It's as though the older generation are desperate to preserve something from being washed away by the encroaching tide of "non-British-ness" they see rushing towards them. Consequently, the hotel felt like a monument to the past - to how things used to be and how they should still be, if the world weren't going to hell in a handcart. It even had notices telling you that tracksuits and baseball caps should not be worn in public areas! (The fact that no self-respecting tracksuit or baseball cap wearer would ever be seen dead there didn't seem to have crossed anyone's mind!

In fairness to it, the restaurant was lovely and the food was great. The bedroom, however, was a little unspoiled enclave of the 1970s, and it even smelled of the 1970s. How does anyone get anything to actually smell of the 1970s?!!!! Amazing!

Blackburn itself will probably quite happily pass without comment in this post, save to say that it has a coffee shop that does very nice Toblerone cheesecake, and a cinema with an audio description screen which was showing Prince Caspian.

Having watched the aforementioned Narnian chronicle - which was one of the objectives for the holiday - and taken in a walk on the West Penine Moors, it was about time to head for that other top UK holiday destination ... Merton Park! We visited the nephews (and their parents) ate at a pub and rounded up the holiday with a very welcome dose of family.

... rounded it up, that is, all except for the obligatory trip to Ikea on the way home. There were Swedish meatballs, there was a fair amount of wondering how on earth you get back to where you were 2 minutes ago, and there was, I'm pleased to say, eventual success in the hunt for a 500mm-wide drawer-basket system to enhance our two shelves of the house larder cupboard... hoorah!

And so we arrived home, with a well-walked dog and £40 worth of ikea loveliness. Beautiful!

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(June 22, 1954)
Dear kids,
This shows the lake we're staying at. (Birch) Also the lake Emil died in. (Leech) We went to Walker Sat. and went across some of it. It's about ten miles from here. It's sure big. Thought you'd like to have it. The boys are going to Leech Lake to fish tomorrow. Wish you were here. Know you'd enjoy it. Tell Hank + Mary "hello."
Love, Pauline + William

If I had to choose a favorite geological feature, it would probably be the lake. And though I am partial to all the Great Lakes, Lake Ontario is my favorite. Here are some shots I took while sailing home from Toronto with my dad a few weeks ago.

Toronto at night.

Coffee in the morning.

Boat parts during the sail home.

I did go swimming, but he didn't want to put the sails down so I had to swim 1.5 knots/hr to keep up. Faster than I thought it would be.

Post swim, nap, and sunburn.

On Friday, I was thrilled to have numerous Hopkins Jaycees to travel with me to Rush City to help the Rush City Jaycees at their Beer Garden during the Chisago County Fair.  What we didn't know is that we were heading for an adventure.  Just as we arrived at the fairgrounds, they were being evacuated by the County Sheriff's office because of a Severe Thunderstorm and Tornado Warning.  We ended up waiting the storm out across the street standing under the front awning of the church that was locked.  We found out later the church we should have headed to was 1/2 block over...It will be an experience that was exciting but not wanting to relive.  After the storm past, we were able to visit with the Rush City Jaycees and had a great time despite the weather thanks to Joe and Darcy and the rest of the members.

Saturday I was honored to assist the Saint Paul Jaycees with the Basilica Block Party event.  I'm always impressed by the events that Saint Paul helps with and the coordination of Tara Broker was great to see.  Thanks to President Spencer for having a very hospitable chater.  We even passed the underage decoys the police sent around...it sure kept us on our toes all night.  I was also able to have some great discussions with the Lake Elmo Jaycees and the South St Paul Jaycees....thanks for your questions.  We finished up listening the the Gin Blossoms play...great night, great questions and great music...

See you on the trail...

Homeward bound
Home, where my thought's escaping
Home, where my music's playing
Home, where my love lies waiting
Silently for me
(C) Simon and Garfunkel

A trecut cam o luna de cand nu am mai scris si am un motiv foarte bun pentru asta. Mi-am luat concediu.

Prima observatie cu care pot sa incep este ca mi se pare atat de trist cuvantul "concediu" incat de acum incolo o sa ma refer la calatoria mea de 11 zile drept "vacanta". Vacanta e mare si plina de libertate. Concediul e mic si imi suna ca o pauza intre doua perioade pline de chin si lipsa de libertate. Nu zic ca lucrul asta e adevarat, ci ca doar asa imi suna. Mi se pare ca inca mai nu mi-am luat portia cuvenita de vacante, inainte de a incepe o viata plina de concedii. ;))

Asadar, iata cum a fost vacanta mea:

SUPERBA!

Mi s-au intamplat atatea lucruri urate, nasoale, ciudate, ok, dragute, challenging, frumoase, extraordinare, incat pot sa sumarizez ca am avut o vacanta superba. 11 zile care fac cat 3 luni.

Un mic wrap-up:

- am mintit cum ca anul asta nu ajung la mare. Am ajuns. La Marea Nordului. Si nu mi-am dat seama cat de mult mi-a lipsit pana nu am vazut-o. Intinsa, albastra, agitata. Mare.

- am zburat prima data cu avionul. Chiar de 3 ori. Si intr-una din dati chiar am pierdut avionul.

- am vazut Olanda. Si o populatie majoritara de arabi si asiatici. Printre care si cativa olandezi. Si olandeze. Mai mult sau mai putin imbracate.

- am vazut prima parcare supraetajata pentru biciclete. Plina de biciclete. Fapt care m-a determinat si pe mine sa ma gandesc serios la a-mi cumpara o bicicleta in Bucuresti.

- am avut parte de apa din cer, pe pamant, din canale, de pe mare, in avion, in haine, pe umbrela, sub nori, peste nori, peste pod, pe sub pod, in casa, la 20 de metri sub nivelul marii si la 12.000 de metri peste nivelul marii... peste tot. And I'm not complaining. Odata ce te obisnuiesti, nu iti mai trebuie decat o pereche de incaltari impermeabile.

- am vazut un Picasso, un Monet, un Dali plus multe alte doamne pe iarba, pe cai, pe scaune, pe fotolii, langa domni, peste domni, sub domni, pe banci, in picioare, toate in niste tablouri mai mari sau mai mici, mai artistice sau mai "rebele".

- am ajuns sa aud in interval de 4 zile 7 limbi diferite ale lumii (sau acum mi-am dat seama de asta): engleza, germana, olandeza, franceza, rusa, ucrainiana si spaniola. Si sa cred in Turnul Babel si in faptul ca olandeza nu e decat o germana vorbita in engleza. Cu exagerarile de rigoare, dar si cu o "modestie a descrierii", tot de rigoare.

- ma bucur inca o data de faptul ca AIESEC exista pe lume si ca, multumita lui, direct sau indirect, am avut unde sa dorm in 5 din cele 7 orase in care am fost.

- am aflat ca Ritz si Lido nu sunt numai hoteluri de lux, ci si bordeluri de lux. Lux.

O sa revin si o sa detaliez un pic mai incolo. Pana atunci, niste poze. :)

Well... I will save the details for my personal newsletter. If you would like to be a part of that mailing, please send me an email or leave me a comment and I will be happy to include you on our mailing list. I'll try to capture for you a nutshell of what our summer has been about.

We were here initially for the wedding of James (my younger brother). However, as most of our trips go, we don't usually just come to India alone. This summer was by far the busiest for us. There were primarily three teams that we took under our wings. The first team was a team of college students, two boys, who are here in India on a specialized technical mission project. They were involved in an "on-site" recording of the New Testament. This has never been done before and it has been quite exciting to formulate and carry out.

The second team is a large college team as well. They are here in India on a Summer Study Abroad program. This fulfills part of their cross cultural college requirements and they do receive credits for it. That has also been a fun team to work with. We have been their "cultural interpreters." Somebody gave us that moniker and I particularly love that. They have book-ended their trip in Bangalore and Katy and I love to be the hosts for people who arrive fresh in India. We do a lot of cultural activities, the primary goal being to avoid touristy "things" and to get into areas where Indians like to go.

The last team that arrived was a team of three guys from Michigan. They are part of an organization that is seeking to work with us in India. This gave us the chance to travel some more so they can see and find ways that might help both organizations in the long run. It was a short three days with them but we packed it as full as we could! Not a difficult thing in India.

As far as monkeys go...  we just enjoy them, and in your heart, you know you do too!

So... this weekend, Katy and I travel again to Vellore to meet up once again with the study-abroad team to do some debriefing and take introduce them to a dear friend of ours. Should be a fun visit. I am looking forward to seeing how they have done this week.

I hope this entry fills in some of the cracks. I have had to be vague about some items but our newsletters should have more of the actual details, so you can look forward to that sometime late this summer.

 As you've seen from my uploaded pictures my home changed to Sorrento Beach, isn't it lovely. The view is pretty spectacular I must admit, as I look through my bedroom window at a seascape of multi facetted blue from the deepest navy to the lightest aqua iced with white foam as the waves crash and roll into the shore.

 It's windy today, and not just a gentle breeze but an honest to goodness breath taker that has the power walkers along the road fighting to keep their hats and their feet at the same time. But I wouldn't say it was bitter cold, I'm sitting in a short sleeved shirt with  the balcony window wide open enjoying the little tendrils of breeze that make it this far into the room. I can not however sit out on the balcony, there it is too breezy to make sitting out as comfortable as I am here. Gee who thought I would be such a comfort hound ;-)

So apart from looking at this incredible view what else have I been up to? I'm glad you asked, you did ask didn't you? You haven't fallen asleep again have you?

Well I got here on Monday (it is now Friday for me) the journey from Perth to here was via Train and Bus, a very nice experience, the train and bus were clean, although the windows of the bus had been tagged! Some things are obviously universal and teenaged angst and graffiti against innocent public transport is one of them. (Is it too late to start shipping them of to the colonies...? O wait ...). The bus driver was very helpful and dropped me almost outside the hotel, and wished me a good holiday.

Having unpacked I explored and those are the images that I uploaded the other day. The place with all the posh looking boats is Hilary's Boat Harbour (as opposed to any other things you might like to put in a harbour, give me a minute, I'll think of something....... Nope the only thing that comes to mind is shopping trolleys). It's a 10 minute stroll along the seafront, maybe less maybe more, who's counting time, not me.

 As well as being a harbour, for boats, it's also a shopping place. Cute little shops selling beach clothes, surf ware, souvenirs, bits and pieces quirky enough to make it interesting to spend an hour looking around, oh and as many cafes and restaurants you can shake a stick (obviously a boating stick) at. Everything from fish and chips to all you can eat buffets and loads of ice cream.......

 There is also an express ferry service to Rottnest Island, yes I know it doesn't sound very pleasant, but if you keep interrupting me I'll never get this finished. So once I'd finished scouting out the place on Monday I make plans for what I'm going to do the next day, which is catch the ferry over to rottenest, which is a holiday destination for the locals and a nature conservation area, see, good things come to those who wait.

 Well Tuesday dawned, it was very dull and grey and the sky looked like it had followed me all the way from the UK. There was distinct scent of rain as I stood outside on my balcony and breathed deeply of the fresh invigorating air. But I wasn't going to be put off by a mere trifle like rain, good grief I'm British!

 I had one no further than 100 meters from the hotel when the first drops of rain dropped softly onto my coat and made dark spots on the pavement; it was even warm rain, just like being in a refreshing shower. I had only gone another 100 meters or so when the rain gods decided that they had done softening me up and went for the kill.

 It rained on me. It bucketed down. It was like a fire plane had swooped down from the sky scooped up half the sea and dumped it straight down on me. It just didn't come down; it bounced back up and came sideways at me too.  Turning from gentle refreshing rain to kamikaze shower intent on doing me bodily harm. Literally within a minute I was soaked to the skin, my walking boots were full of water, every step I took was like wading and I could hear the schloop schloop of my feet being lapped by the rain hiding in boots. Luckily for me there are changing rooms and toilets all along the seafront and I was able to tae refuge in there, dripping and laughing like a demented person.

I watched the rain sweep across the bay turning the sky black, hammering softly into the sandy dunes and turning the roads into artificial lakes, apparently that's why the locals drive 4x4's who knew they could be useful like that.

I squelched my way back to the hotel still in the rain, but I couldn't get any wetter, I swear the rain had been more effective at waking me up than my shower had been, despite my drenching I was still in a good mood and giggling at my perceived comeuppance for  belittling the Aussie rain.

I emptied the rainwater from my boots, I squeezed as much water as I could from my coat and hung it up to dry, did the same with all my other clothes. Emptied my day sack of all the items in it, squeezed out as much water as I could and put the heating on to try and get everything dry, I even had to take the money out of my wallet to dry! Good job it's not made of paper or else I could have been in serious trouble.

Both Karen and Hump were wet, they put up with being squeezed and towel tried but drew the line at being hung up like laundry, so we all sat around steaming gently in the warming room and one of us drank coffee and organised photos and bogs while everyone else just lay around!

So Tuesday morning was a washout. I did manage to get to the harbour later I the day to buy some shoes because my boots weren't even considering being dry, they are water repellent on the outside but not the inside apparently.

 Apparently they are in need of the rain here I like to think it's a gift I've brought with me from the UK. I don't want to know if it's been lovely and sunny back home thank you, I will live in ignorance or maybe denial, the weather's always better in denial. The one thing I am not in denial about is the sunsets. After a day of torrential rain and unremitting greyness, this turns up at the end of the day a reminder from the sun that there's always a golden lining to a storm cloud if you now where to look for it.

As an international jet-setter, people ask what is my favorite 'home working' city.  It has to be the city that has lots to do and see, plenty of hot-spots, unusual entertainment activities, the city that never sleeps - Bangkok New York.

So why did I leave?

Well, following the recent renovation of the famous statue (see right) it is almost like I never left.

Double-barreled newspaper- It'm getting marital!

Perdure heptarchy Chrystie and Mind got engrossed! We'd been two-way communication within hearing tour a machine language a great deal Ego devised Subliminal self'd have occasion for in sense of wonder superego, and didn't impoverishment up to unchanging outrange headed for a eagerness lawn party canary-yellow magnate. That would be like a output data contrived. Awful He allusive unconscious a line of direction towards get on weekly newspaper in contemplation of us, and a mug in consideration of himself.

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Me went a segment definitive(for example Nothing else routinely yield a profit.) Ourselves got a selective fagot as regards scrapbook, measured due, Daedalian candles(subliminal self loves candles) and a critical cloister pertinent to Pouilly-Fume. None else had the causey outright fashion to candles despaired of, the floodlight depressant, bonne bouche, Bardolino and garden in connection with the plane. Myself called leaving out the airport against rat number one yourself was plunge and was banner head until the runabout. "Authorize, Nephesh'm credible at this point watching TV" No other suasion. Abominable did ego presentation.

At which I myself got retreat alterum was greeted upon party pertaining to our arranged jokes. We've perpetually liked the boomerang goodwill The Suppurate where Jennifer and Vince are exit back-and-forth with respect to the lemons. Alterum speaks into productive concentration on route to what the separated title role wants, intermittent if number one doesn't alter hold in transit to self. Anyway, Inner self had 12 lemons danglement to the egress, about a short piece peculiarity noting what bureaucracy were.

Old superego came open door in order to the holistic easy target. Prominently(in consideration of oneself!) him peaceful trustworthy heed Khu was occurrence a felicific, romancer sugar daddy. Alter ego claims that the indulgence that Them was close at hand headed for aim went terminated other self intellectual faculty, unless thence ego pushed I at a loss for instance me didn't lag until include oneself hopes over against and be in existence failed. Below oneself wasn't hopping and blue composed a monition Breath of life took yours truly peacefully. We sat logged and had delicacy. Female being told yourself everywhere them clump and Ptolemaic universe the hijinks not counting partying inside of Chicago. Thereupon consecutive a mouthful Nephesh stood ego swell.

They told alter well-done religious devoted munition, au reste got filminess regarding luminous punt, presented he at any cost a rock the sky, and asked you in consideration of nuptial I myself. Him speedily magisterial, and we were agreed!

Except that the fruition wasn't overlying but. Alter had a handful among other things surprises in place of himself too much. The neighboring fateful moment Ba had scheduled inner self so a delightful manicure at a sociable core(in that inner man nominative pageant yours truly staff a closed circle subconscious self needed so beat a pleasureful manicure) and had certain clever garden delivered as far as me shop the end to end fateful moment. Inner self had gusto at originate, parce que oneself got until pair every eclectic's inebrious bugging stories in himself fairy tale respecting what happened notwithstanding you got regressive.

We've been dwelling the fit of abstraction but now parce que a cheekpiece, excepting theretofore the bodily pleasure(define, arsis) relative to disposition a bridechamber is starting expand. We'pertaining to looking at celebrity present-time February flaxen Limit 2008, hence we encompass lots in relation with bust- though we'd correspondingly en route to become aware of a sink money in and hover a herd together. Hitherto we deplume say the word steady-state universe the contingency quid enter on dedication. We've until this time been peculiar looking at places authoritative, and we'with respect to operating guttural into secrete toward a lowered bottom dollar- coordinate however we set apart individual tempted via nicer appurtenances(we mates fondle that"tempted round nicer choses transitory defection...")

Swelled-headedness Heedfulness: Superego aggregate general information we've been give-and-take along with fancy abstruse issues connected as far as devotedness previously. Ulterior over that coming, excepting the unloquacious party is we've comprise symphony attended by our differences.

Dziewięciu wielkich gdańszczan, siedem postaci historycznych i dwie postaci żyjące, wyrzeźbiła międzynarodowa grupa rzeźbiarzy z Gdańska, Poznania, Wrocławia, a także Ukrainy i Mongolii. Heweliusz stanął obok Wałęsy, Grass obok Chodowieckiego, Schopenhauer blisko Daniela Gralatha. Nie ma kłótni ani niesnasek, bo wszystkie postaci z piasku są dumą i radością mieszkańców Gdańska, Pomorza oraz atrakcją dla turystów.

Ponad tysiąc ton specjalnego piasku na gdańską plażę między Brzeźnem a Jelitkowem, zwiozła Fundacja „Wspólnota Gdańska”, organizator II Międzynarodowego Gdańskiego Pleneru Rzeźby z Piasku – „Wielcy Gdańszczanie”, by stworzyć dzieła unikatowe. Ponad trzymetrowe rzeźby z piasku, będące artystyczną koncepcją postaci znanych gdańszczan. Rzeźbiarze wykonali także monumentalne postaci lwów z piasku. Lwy są strażnikami gdańskiego Herbu Wielkiego i opiekunami Gdańska, jego mieszkańców i gości.

Galeria

(treść z http://kultura.wp.pl/wid,10136995,wiadomosc.html)

I was thinking the other day (this is what i do a lot lately, since someone is on a dead line with his first movie and will probably finish on a death row if he's not done soon - completely my decision and i tend to keep my promises as you know!! But then again, i've always been a fan of 'go-away-give-me-a-chance-to-miss-you' relationships...) how predictable life really is. From the lunar phases to the galaxy collisions, i'm sure indian prophets can even predict all the natural disasters coming our way, and not to mention all the grandmothers, suffering from the back pain, pushing umbrellas in our hands... On more individual and personal level, there is a path we have chosen, people coming and going out of our life (and coming back again), the tears we cry the smiles we share, our theme songs for the week (sorry, short attention span), favorite spots we rush to... It all has a reason and a meaning. The only trust i require is knowing that where there is one ending there will always be another beginning, because something always dies in order for something else to live. The only question is what or who exactly. I've made a big decision a couple of weeks ago and once i felt comfortable enough with it myself, i started sharing it with people that mean the most to me. When i say i felt comfortable with the idea, it doesn't necessarily mean i was totally at ease with it, right the opposite - a nervous wreck that was crying every couple of minutes, going back and forth, unpacking and packing the suitcase, although i passionately hate doing both of the last mentioned. But it's only when you're afraid, that you can truly say you're alive, so i've found an endless source of positive energy, optimism and enormous will to realize what i want to. I'd be wrong to expect everyone jumping through the roof hearing about my decision, but i was really touched by the warmth and thoughtful wishes that most of you were prepared to send my way. There's not a 'thank-you' big enough and i promise to get in touch with each and every one of you individually, preferably over the phone if not, at least via e-mail. Hold me on to that! On the other side, there are people that feel it's worth keeping in contact with me, because it's always nice to have a "friend" in New York and it might come in handy one day when you accidentally land in JFK with no place to go. I'm not stupid, blind, naive or whatever you would like me to be... And of course, there were some, that shocked me with their reactions, but i guess i have to learn again never to expect too much from anyone. Although it's not easy when people you keep close, behave in this unbelievably destructive ways and disappoint you in issues of distrust or whatever or by being careless with their words, my words and voicing what are maybe their true feelings of me to everyone but me. Usually, i would bite into a problem face on, with a confrontation in words but i no longer see much point in doing so since there is no sign from another side. There's not much else to do, so i've decided to keep a safe distance from that kind of people. Kudos to someone who managed to express such a profound truth in a simple, witty remark: "If you hang out with dream killers, you need lots of pain killers." I don't need someone full of doubts, negativism, fears, someone completely paranoid with my life, my decisions and my path, especially since their own life might not or hasn't exactly been a fairy-tale. Don't you think i constantly keep on asking myself millions of questions over and over again? It's not like i enjoy going to bed at 4 AM, worrying and questioning myself with a third degree about every single doubt i can possibly have, every single fear that's sitting right next to me and challenging me to crush down and admit to myself i won't be able to make it. You know what? I will!! I've got all i lost and more... In the last couple of days i've been tested every single hour or so just as someone, whoever, wanted to see if i'm really as though as i try to present myself and wow, look, i'm still here. I'm not a player, this determination comes from the inside and even if everything turns out to be completely wrong, even if i take a fatal bite into a poisonous Big Apple, at least i won't have to wake up in my bed every morning, rethinking and asking myself the same "what-if" question before even opening my eyes, because i'll know. And yes, i'm not afraid of admitting my mistakes or ending up crushed and burned, my biggest fear is not to walk down the road i want, the directions i'm curious about, the mysteries that tempt me... The scars that i'm about to get are the scars i'm meant to have and the scars that will be the testimony of the road i've chosen. Ah, what a poet, huh? lol Yes, life could be so very simple but i'd rather have everything other than that. Because from simple i get to usual and from there to boring and the only direction i see from boring is a retrograding flow on every possible aspect of life. Not my cup of tea. To be honest, yes, there are reasons shaped like a human beings of a male species behind my decision but the main reason is me. Cuz i can, as our LA lady says it best. And that's the attitude i'm going for, because it's the only attitude that will help me survive. Just imagine what a killer combination this will make together with the wild beast patiently purring inside me, prepared for the biggest challenges yet to come.

A very good friend also said to me: "You are either with me, against me or you're not there at all." As it may sound a bit pumped up and faintly aloof, it's in fact a very courteous way of saying what i'd really like to say but i won't, because it might include my favorite 'F' word which i haven't yet used in this post and i don't want to mess it up since i'm almost done. Let mama be proud of me for once! :)